Over Thanksgiving break, Kevin Durant returned to Oklahoma City, again.

Durant signed with the Golden State Warriors during the summer of 2016, and since then has only played one game against his ex-team, the Oklahoma City Thunder. Tensions are still running high between Oklahoma City fans and Kevin Durant, but thankfully the Thunder came out on top Wednesday and defeated Golden State, 108-91.

I didn’t watch the game. Because I haven’t been able to look at Kevin Durant’s face since he left the Thunder.

See, I was a massive fan of Kevin Durant. I loved him as much as you can love a professional athlete you’re never going to meet. He was humble, and kind, and everything that I thought someone in his profession should embody. He trusted his teammates, and never felt that they hadn’t earned their place alongside him. This is a man that beat Michael Jordan’s record for scoring 25 points or more for 40 straight games, second only to Allen Iverson. He’s won NBA Scoring Champion four times and three of those consecutively. Durant knows basketball and he excels at it. His MVP speech calling his mom the real MVP warmed the hearts of millions, including my own.

And boy do I miss watching him play, because Kevin Durant just plays really good basketball. It should be impossible for him to play the way he does with limbs as long as his. He dunks and limbs just fly everywhere. He was given the nicknames he despised, Durantula and the Slim Reaper, because of his long limbs and the way they move the ball. The kid can play.

So, I had a lot of respect for Durant until the notification came through that he had signed with Golden State.

For months before that day, all anyone who was remotely interested in basketball could talk about was whether Kevin Durant was going to leave the Thunder. I spent those months discussing Durant’s loyalty, his dedication to his city and to Russell Westbrook, how he had placed roots in Oklahoma City, and there was no way he was leaving. Eventually, I entertained the idea that Durant could leave but I swore it would be a team that was rebuilding, the Celtics or the Lakers, certainly not a team that was already incredibly successful. Then I had to eat everything good I had ever said about Kevin Durant. Not only had he signed with Golden State, the team who had knocked the Thunder out of the playoffs, he signed with a team who had talent deep into its bench.

With Durant they would be unstoppable.

He took the easy way out and signed himself right into a Championship winning team. He and Westbrook had built the Thunder and then he just left because it was too hard. I thought Durant loved basketball, but he was only chasing the ring. Who cares about scoring titles? It all comes down to that shiny hunk of metal on your finger.The ring must be the only measure of success because after all, no one remembers Allen Iverson, Charles Barkley, Steve Nash, Patrick Ewing, Karl Malone, etc. That’s why I’ll never truly understand Durant’s need for a ring. You can be a great player, a hall of famer, without a ring.

So now I am left with all this anger at a man I do not know because I thought the world of him, and he disappointed me. I’m left with a jersey in the back of my closet that will never again see the light of day. I’m left with t-shirts I’ll never wear, and a game night exclusive cup I’ll never drink from. Kevin Durant is the ex I never had, but who I’ll never get closure from.

Unless someone knows the handle of that secret Twitter account he has so I can DM?