Going to the grocery store is one of my all time favorite activities, because purchasing produce is my idea of a good time. While I’m waiting in line at the checkout counter, I like to peruse magazine covers to keep up to date on “what’s hip” with the kids (I swear I’m not 80). Magazine headlines usually have the same sort of articles, “Why Beyonce Should Be President,” “12 Ways To Lose Weight In Under An Hour.” and so on. Every magazine, at one point or another, runs an article about “how to keep the magic alive” in your relationships because we all know what a slump in a relationship looks like. For a visual, imagine two sixty year old people in a room together grunting in each other’s general direction whenever there’s a commercial break. It’s that point in the relationship when people stop trying and take the other for granted. We usually associate this with dating relationships, but what about friendships?
I love the beginning of friendships when everything is shiny and new. You go from talking in class, to hanging out after school, to texting each other pictures of your dog. It’s all very exciting. Everyday with them is like perpetually having a good haircut because you feel like you’re on top of the world. But what happens to your friendship when it’s a few years down the line? You’ve already heard most of their stories and feel like you don’t have anything new to add to the conversation. At least in my experience, I fall into friendship ruts.
Being friends with someone for awhile is great because they can handle you at your weirdest and there’s a mutual trust. Talking with them is like putting on an old familiar sweater because you know exactly how it will fit. However, being able to predict what the other one will say isn’t always a good thing. Sometimes when we think we have someone all figured out, we put them in boxes. Using common sense, we know that people don’t belong in boxes (unless its fort-related, in which case that’s totally fine). We’re constantly growing and being changed by our experiences, so how can someone define us when we’re constantly redefining ourselves?
T.S. Eliot summed this idea up pretty well when he said, “We must remember that at every meeting we are meeting a stranger.” Even when we see our lifelong friend again, it’s like we're meeting them for the first time. When we take someone for granted we lose our reverence for the mystery that they are. So how do we avoid the friendship slump and keep the magic alive?
Step 1: Stop watching Netflix together. Anyone who’s spoken to me knows how deep my love for Netflix is (think Mariana Trench) but it’s hurt my relationships in the past. Sure I know what happened to Jess in Season 4 of New Girl, but I couldn’t tell you what’s going on in my friend’s life because we encountered a screen, not each other. Step 2: Make eye contact when they talk. This means putting down your phone/homework/whatever is in front of you, to give your undivided attention to your friend. We all know how annoying it is to hang out with someone who’s too busy checking their phone to even notice what you’re saying. This should be your face when they tell you about their job drama for the millionth time:
Step 3: Bring something new to the conversation. One of my friends is a wizard at coming up with bizarre situational questions that gets the group thinking and gives us something new to talk about. Tell your friends about something interesting you learned in class. It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you remember to continually encounter the person sitting across from you.
