Some people say that you can’t have more good friends than you have fingers. I’m not sure if that is true. Something I have learned is it’s the effort you put in that sustains a friendship. If you can do that with fifteen people then good for you. I think there might be something to having only a few close friends. I have many friends they are people who I care very much about and make me very happy. I hope I do the same for them. However, not all of these people know me on the same level as my closest friends.
When I was a freshman in high school I took a second to wonder how many of my friends than would be my friends now. At fourteen I decided that the number wasn’t important. It was the ones that mattered that were important. I figured I would probably not keep most of the friends that I had. Honestly, I am surprised by the friendships I still have from high school. I can say I have four friends from high school, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Since then I have made friends through work and college. I am lucky to be surrounded by a group of very sincere people.
I would argue with people who say friends are easy to maintain. Life is busy and ever changing. People move, get married, have kids, and lose track of time. It is change that reassures a friendship. Those who stick around through the changes are the friends worth keeping. I have friends who moved and I still talk to. Friends who have children, or who I don’t see every day like I used to. It’s a change, but that’s not a bad thing.
Time is a tricky thing. I find myself wondering about people I haven’t talked to in years. I miss them sometimes, but then I think about why we stopped being friends. Was it me? Was it them? Was it the circumstances? No, it was timing. We were busy, we didn’t understand priorities, and we didn’t make time for each other because we thought there would be time later. There wasn’t and the window for our friendship timed out. As things often do.
The friendships I have lost were not because we stopped caring. I still care very much about many people. It is that we stopped having common ground, or recognized we never really did have common ground. I see people I used to be close with and I think about how they are a perfect stranger to me. I realize I am the same to them. They have become the people I bump into at the store and say hi to, congratulate them on their accomplishments, and wish them well. They are fleeting thoughts, and I am the same for them.
It’s important to not take time for granted. I am surrounded by people who are busy. I am also busy. I forget to check in. I overbook myself and have to cancel plans. I am human. My friends and I still set aside time to see each other. Even if it is just a coffee date a couple times a year. Making time is what sustains friendships and I am able to understand that now. It is not about quantity it is about quality.
