“Just take the next step.”
My mom constantly told me this growing up. I wanted to run, no, leap ahead to the next bigger and better thing. I had huge dreams, wanting to do anything and everything when it came to a career. I wanted to get married, have a boatload of kids, travel to all these amazing countries, speak 15 languages, design the perfect house…the list went on and on. I wanted it now! What’s this business about waiting and working through all these little steps? Can’t I have the perfect life now?
If you’ve ever talked to me, you’ve probably realized I’m not good at waiting, nor have I ever been. I’m learning, but patience is one of those things never fully grasped, so I’m still learning. (I’ll probably be learning 50 years from now, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.) Learning to “take the next step” is a challenge. Every. Single. Day. Impatience tends to lead to weariness, always striving and never resting in contentment will lead to dissatisfaction and stress. To be clear, please do not think I believe dreaming is bad. I think it’s wonderful. God places in us abilities and dreams to be used to glorify Him- chase those and never stop striving to serve Him.
That being said, what’s there to do when I find myself in a place of uncertainty? I mean, real, true uncertainty. I don’t know where I’ll be living in six months, where I’ll be working, or if I will still be in school. I know I will be marrying the love of my life but we don’t know if certain loved ones will be too sick or elderly to make it to our wedding. I just don’t know. I want to say, “oh but that’s ok, and God’s got it.” That would technically be a true statement, but one that I am more wanting to believe than actually putting actions behind that belief. In essence, I’m still ugly-crying multiple time a week [sometimes multiple times a day] because I’m uncomfortable with the not-knowing and I’m scared. Sure, I know God will take care of me in the end, but that peace that transcends all understanding seems really distant right now.
What’s my next step? Not sure, other than I know we have been put here on Earth to glorify God. I actually have a lot of options for next steps and that scares me. To this point, I’ve haven’t felt God saying “Hannah, do this. I have designed you for this and you will excel for Me here.”Most people actually have a pretty large number of ways they can glorify God and yes, dear friend, you are one of them. So what to do tomorrow? Pray; it's always a great option. Thank God for the blessings He has given you[and they are plenty even when it doesn't really feel like it]. Meditate on His goodness.
Do I need to know the whole plan? Sigh, I guess not *another sigh*. Don’t get me wrong, I really am working to learn how to trust and let God work, but it really is work. It’s hard to relinquish those fears and faulty presuppositions. I’m still crying and continuing to ask God for peace. I desperately need Him. I am so far beyond the end of myself it’s no longer a joke. But these things I know. As God's children, we are accepted (John 1:12). We are secure (2 Corinthians 1:21-22). We are significant (Ephesians 2:10). It is on these things I will dwell, even in the storm of uncertainty, because God is eternally unchanging.
