Just Because You're Single Doesn't Mean You're Broken

Just Because You're Single Doesn't Mean You're Broken

For anyone who's ever been told, "Don't worry... It'll happen for you someday."
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Whether you’re single, married, dating, divorced, or “it’s complicated,” I want you to hear me loud and clear:

Single and broken are not the same thing.

And sometimes we act like they are.

Getting engaged felt a bit like receiving an invitation to the cool kids' table—people know about you, they talk about you, they ask you questions about bridesmaids dresses even though they don’t actually know you, and everything you do is all of a sudden shiny and romantic.


See more of Stephanie's work at stephaniemaywilson.com.


It’s strange, really, and kind of wonderful. Because just like in middle school, you’ve watched a million girls sit at that table, and you’ve always wanted to be one of them.

But as I sat at this new table, I looked around and realized some of my favorite people were missing. My single friends weren’t invited to this table, and I realized the people at my new table were hurting them quite a lot.

Sitting at this exclusive table, we somehow feel like we’ve made it. We want to look back and tell people how to get where we are. We look back at how it happened for us and try to put a three-step process to achieve the same result.

We give ass-backwards advice, or worse, we show pity.


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We ask deeply personal questions, prying into each other’s romantic lives. We’re worse than our mothers, asking if there’s a special someone yet, and demanding to know why not.

One of my girlfriends was patted on the knee by a girl several years younger than her and told, “don’t worry… it’ll happen for you too someday.”

Nobody needs that.

Being engaged doesn’t mean I’m cool, and being single doesn’t mean you’re not.

Life isn’t magically broken as a single person in the same way it won't be magically fixed with a ring.

Yes, life has changed a lot since Carl entered my life, but I’m not a new human because of it. My life didn’t begin once he slipped the ring onto my finger. My life began a long time ago, and so did yours.

Our relationship status is a part of our lives, not the whole thing.

Our relationships make up a huge portion of our lives, and they have the ability to seriously impact the way we feel. But we’re mistaken to put all of our eggs in the relationship basket, to believe that the status of our ring finger dictates our worth or the joy in our lives. But we act like this, sometimes, and usually not on purpose.

We make perfectly happy people insecure about the fact that they’re single, or just dating, or not yet married. And it’s just got to stop.

And so this is what I think we need to do. I think that single, married, engaged and “it’s complicated” people alike need to take a deep breath and talk about something else.

Because there’s so much more to life than a ring.

God is big and wonderful and He has huge things for us to do in his Kingdom. There are people in this world that need food and water and someone to show them they’re not alone. There are friends to make and skills to learn and jobs to rock and places to visit.

We have important business being on this earth — and I think it’s time we talked about it.

So next time you’re with a friend, regardless of their relationship status, don't ask them about it. Ask them about their hopes and their dreams and the things God is teaching them. Ask them about the best moment of their day, the most beautiful thing they saw, and what they want to be when they grow up.

We are made to do massive, stunning things in this world, things that aren’t defined by a piece of metal around any certain finger. So let’s spend some time talking about it, and give each other, whatever our relationship status, a break.


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“If you could go back and give your single self some advice, what would you tell her?”

Awhile back a girlfriend asked me a question I just could not get out of my mind. She asked, “Now that you’re married, if you could go back and give your single self some advice, what would you tell her?” I immediately knew what I’d say, so I sat down and wrote myself four letters full of the advice I would go back and give myself if I had the chance.

I would love nothing more than to share those letters with you! Click here to hear more about them, and if you pop in your information, the first one will be in your inbox before you know it!

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Stop Saying 'Love Is Love' And Then Shame Me For Dating A Republican

"How can you date a Republican?!" Quite easily, actually.

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"And love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love." Other theater geeks like me probably also remember this quote from Lin-Manuel Miranda's Tony acceptance speech in 2016. Now, thanks to Lin-Manuel and his talent for catchy phrases, every time someone says "love is love," all I can think of is Lin-Manuel's emphatic cry for equality.

This cry is one that I support wholeheartedly. I think that you should be allowed to love whomever you choose and that you should do so without fear of hatred or scrutiny. If you are a guy who loves guys, great. If you are a girl who loves girls, great. If you are a girl who loves guys and girls, great. You are born a certain way with certain sexual preferences, and there is nothing wrong with that.

However, if you believe that people should be free to love anyone they choose, then, honey, you better start looking past gender.

Let me tell you a little story.

Recently, I had a conversation with one of my closest friends about my boyfriend of almost 11 months. Somehow (and I'm shocked that this hadn't come up before), my boyfriend's political preferences became the topic of conversation.

The conversation went something like this:

"Wait, so is Tom a Democrat or Republican?"

"He's a Republican."

"WHAT?! Are you serious?"

"Yep."

"How can you date a Republican?"

After that, I basically went on a five-minute rant about how at the end of the day, his political preferences only make up a small fraction of who he is as a person and that I am not so shallow that I would be deterred by something this trivial.

At our cores, Tom and I value the exact same things: compassion, knowledge, kindness, dedication, honesty, respect, and above all else, love. Tom loves me unconditionally and I give him that same love in return; honestly, what else could I ask for?

Tom and I do get in some political arguments from time to time, but we also agree on those issues that are most important to me: female reproductive rights, marriage equality, and support for survivors of sexual assault. All of those things are non-negotiables for me, and Tom understands that and possesses his own list of non-negotiables.

Before you ask, yep, he voted for Trump. Did that take me back at first? Yes. Did I struggle to understand what would compel a person to vote for him? Absolutely. Did that thought kind of terrify me at first? Hell yes.

But you know what? After I just sat and listened to Tom's reasoning as to why he voted for him and watched him delve deep into Trump's policies, I could understand why some would vote for him. And to tell the truth, once I fell in love with Tom, none of that mattered anymore. And what is sad is that people so often fall so deep into their own echo chambers nowadays, that they wouldn't even give someone with different beliefs their ear. Well, I'm damn glad I did because Tom is the most amazing person I've ever met and I fall more in love with him every day.

So to tie this all together with a pretty little bow, if you're going to go around and preach that love is love and that everyone should be free to love whom they choose, then that shouldn't change for me. Maybe you're a Democrat that would never date a Republican or maybe you're a Republican who would never date a Democrat; that's your choice. But we don't get to choose who we fall in love with (much to the dismay of my liberal family and friends). Just keep an open mind and who knows? Maybe you could find some absolutely epic happiness.

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My Rating On Ghosting? BOO.

Just recently I found out what it was like to be ghosted, and it literally is almost worse than going through a tough breakup.

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Ghosting is literally one of the worst things I've experienced. I give it a 0/10 on my list of things I'd love to try again.

It makes you feel like everything said, any interest someone had in you, was all a complete sham. If you've got anxiety, it can keep your mind running around in circles thinking about what it is you did wrong and what you could have changed to make things work out. Your heart breaks a little no matter how little you really got to know them (unless you weren't that interested) because there was a potential that they'd be a great companion (at least until they completely disappeared, that is). Even if you say you don't care, some small part of you does and is just trying to put on a brave face. You wonder why all of a sudden the person is disinterested when nothing you did changed. It feels almost worse than a breakup, because you never got to experience the grand love affair that real couples do, and the ones who ghost never let you see it coming, whereas there's a small chance in a relationship.

If your situation is anything like mine was, there is literally no way you could have imagined being ghosted. The guy in question seemed like he cared, and was there for me every single day after we began talking. We even met in person and called each other boyfriend and girlfriend after he asked me to be official. We never got to see each other after that because of the distance, though I tried to make plans, and then the blocking/ghosting out of nowhere. There was no fight, there was no explanation, he was just gone completely.

I understand that some people go through things internally, too, and they might not feel like sticking around with someone they don't care for anymore. I get that sometimes circumstances change and that you don't want to hurt someone. What I truly don't understand is not having the decency to be honest about those things if they come up. If you don't want to be with someone, just explain to them, and then if they become too angry, or something you can't handle, you have the right to block them. Don't just do it to avoid having a potentially uncomfortable conversation. It is disrespectful and implies that the other person is no longer worth your time or effort.

I don't wish ill on the guy who ghosted me. I truly hope he has a great life, and that he achieves the things he sets out to do. I just wish I could have been there to support him along the way, for at least some time if we wouldn't have lasted. Instead, I don't even get to tell him how proud I am of him whether we would have been together or not when he does have a great life and does great things.

I know we obviously weren't meant to work out, but we were meant to be honest with each other as we promised. I never lied to him, so I wish he wouldn't have lied to me.

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