There are hundreds of stress inducers that children and teens must face as they grow up, including comparing themselves to others, self-esteem issues, and simply trying to fit in. I remember spending a good amount of time thinking about how I appeared to others, and sometimes I still worry about it. 2016 is another year dedicated to enhanced self-love and dedication to oneself as a whole. The movement is gaining momentum, empowering people everywhere, and it's certainly something we should all embrace. But along with this movement comes the phrase "just be yourself."
"Just be yourself" encourages us to avoid comparisons and trying to change who we are fundamentally for the acceptance of others, but what does it imply? Telling kids and teens to just be themselves makes it seem like they should know who they are at that age. With all body issues aside and focusing on the issue of personality and decision making, "just be yourself" can be a confusing concept. As much as I remember trying to make others perceive me as attractive and nice, I also remember adults telling me to never change for anyone unless I wanted to, to just be myself. I remember staying up late at night wondering what that meant. I knew what my parents taught me, the morals and values I held. I knew from experiences what I liked to do, who I liked to hang out with. But who was I? Even still, who am I?
Hank Green of Vlogbrothers on YouTube recently made a video on this topic and said, "For those people who say 'be yourself' and are expecting that to mean something... That is not advice, that is an existential crisis waiting to happen."
Now, I don't mean to say that staying true to your fundamental values and ethics is a bad thing. Of course it isn't! Perhaps it would simply be better to say something besides "just be yourself." We could instead say, "Do what you think is right," though that raises its own philosophical debate. Maybe we could say, "Hey, don't try to change to fit the perception of other people. You're pretty cool and should stick to what makes you happy," though that doesn't quite roll off the tongue.
The concept of identity remains fluid and ever changing. Who you are is influenced by who you surround yourself with, the family and friends you love, the things you watch, what others expect of you, and a multitude of other factors. Hank stated, "Myself is just a story that I tell to myself that is just like any other story: subjective and incomplete and at least a little bit of a lie." So telling young people, "Just be yourself," might very well launch them into a spiral of self-doubt and uncertainty.
Dramatics aside, the implications of the common phrase are helpful with conveying the importance of self-love but assume that we know exactly who we are at any given time, even in adulthood. We should teach our youth that identity is a dynamic, exciting thing that you have some control over, but who you are is an amalgamation of your life experiences.
As Hank said, "you will wake up one day and you will not be the you you once were, and that will keep happening to you until you die, which is kind of wonderful."
