Being an extrovert with anxiety is one of the most complicated situations. You want to socialize and make friends but just thinking about new experiences makes your heart race with nervousness. That strips the excitement of anything new and replaces it with crippling fear.

I have had days where I’m getting ready for class and just the idea of saying the wrong answer will have my hand shaking so badly that I drop my mascara wand. I am a newbie when it comes to anxiety. I just received my diagnosis a few months ago as a package deal with all of my autoimmune issues. Just the other day I was sitting in my room, just sitting there, and my leg started twitching uncontrollably and next thing I know I’m in tears, and I have no idea why. If I’m being completely honest, my right arm is trembling so much that it is causing my entire body to shake just imagining the possible negative feedback that could come from this. From anything, really.

The other day I got an answer wrong in class, and I thought I was going to pass out I was sweating and so flushed. It’s 108 degrees outside, I’m burning up and chattering at the same time because I have no control over anything.

I’m an extrovert. I’m in love with people. I adore making friends and am a sucker for a great memory. But sometimes, well most of the time, I can’t get out of my own head enough to get involved in my own life.

If you asked me to do anything, I’m so down. I’m so spontaneous and quick on the draw ... initially. Once I start thinking, I get so quiet. People just assume I don’t like them or that I'm no fun. That’s not it at all. I just want to let loose and not be such a stick in the mud, but that would be getting out of my routine, and my routine is all I know. My routine is familiar. I don’t do well outside of the familiar. I’m sorry, I really am.

I am just an extrovert who is too anxious to be herself.