Disclaimer: This is not an article about politics. This article is about language, word choice, and how people who want to fight injustice need to be better at the way they call out for the reprimanding of oppressors.

While I was scrolling through Facebook the other day (as one might do when they have some downtime, or they're procrastinating, or...whatever else...), I came across a post that made me stop and do a double take. The words above the video within the post identified a man as a racist when he verbally harassed and threatened a customer and a waiter at a restaurant in Manhattan when he overheard them conversing in Spanish.

(Some of you may have seen it or heard of this story, but if you haven't you can find it here.)

Now, what made me stop and re-read the text in the post was not the way it called out the man for being racist, which he very clearly illustrated through his behavior.

What did stand out to me, however, was this: the writer of the text above the video called for people to spread the man’s shame by sharing that video that someone had taken of the altercation.

So, I would like to respond to whoever wrote that text and told people to spread and heap shame upon someone, and now speak directly to them.

Dear whoever-you-are, how dare you.

I know, I know. The man’s actions were shameful and unacceptable. But you calling for other people to spread his shame was a totally egregious, classless, and cruel thing to ask for. You know nothing about that man other than what the video shows and tells you about him. I’m not defending him here, but I’m not excusing your snap judgments and persecuting words either.

Take it from me, someone who has personally BIG-TIME struggled with crippling, self-inflicted, and ache-inducing shame in a multitude of ways:

I KNOW that shaming someone never leads to someone pursuing personal growth. Having been shamed for who they are or for things they've done, people who struggle with shame often fear that they won't actually be able to actually change, and they believe that if they try to, they fear that they will fail and subsequently receive more shame from others for failing.

It’s a vicious cycle, and you, whoever-you-are, are perpetuating that cycle.

STOP.

I KNOW that shaming someone never leads to someone being thankful and grateful towards the people who harshly pointing out their flaws and/or failures for the world to see. It just leads to them feeling bitter, angry, frustrated, and attacked. No one likes to be told that they're flawed over and over again, and no one should have to hear that from anyone. Ever. Period. No matter who they are or what they did, and it is NOT YOUR JOB to shine a flashlight on their indiscretions.

SO STOP MAKING IT YOUR JOB.

I KNOW that shaming someone never leads to someone changing their views or beliefs; it just makes them dig into them like a tic. When you try to forcefully change someone's views, tell them they're wrong and try to condemn them for their actions, you’re playing the self-righteous hypocritical vigilante. You are now the one shaming and blaming someone for a viewpoint or belief, which you don't seem to care to find out how that came to be. Shutting down civilized dialogue with someone is one of the quickest ways for people to become rigid and determined to believe what they believe.

SO STOP DOING THAT.

I KNOW that shaming someone never leads to someone learning how to love people better; it just makes them hate themselves more than they might already.

I KNOW that shaming someone never leads to someone overcoming adversity or the roadblocks they might have put in their own way; it just leads them to despair and feeling hopeless.

And I KNOW that YOU, oh-mighty-anonymous-writer-hiding-behind-this-Facebook-group's-post, probably feel like this man's racist and bigoted comments and behavior should be put in the spotlight so people can see a perfect example of how NOT to be a jerk to people. Part of me agrees with that, as this kind of behavior is NEVER tolerable.

But here's my other thought.

What if in the future, that man realizes just how bad of a decision he made? What if he comes to understand, actually grieve over, and be sincerely remorseful for his behavior? What if he were to recognize that his actions were not just hateful, wrong, and hurting other people, but that they were also hurting himself?

I realize these posing these questions probably makes me come off as rather optimistic about that man’s ability to change his beliefs, stances, and behavior.

It’s because I am.

I sincerely pray and hope that this man comes to know who Jesus is and accepts him as his savior because I KNOW that’s possible.
I sincerely pray and hope that this man comes to understand who Jesus is, why Jesus came to save from our sins, and how he is just as in need of saving as everyone else because I KNOW that’s possible.
I sincerely pray and hope that this man will be shown the error of his ways by the Holy Spirit’s conviction and wise correction, not by being berated and shunned by humanity because I KNOW that’s possible.
I sincerely pray and hope that the Holy Spirit will show this man how to truly love and respect others simply because they exist because I KNOW that’s possible.

And I sincerely pray and hope that Jesus will show YOU, whoever-you-are, that YOU are not without sin or above reproach because I ALSO KNOW that that is possible.

“Let he who is without sin throw the first stone.”
– John 8:7 (Jesus speaking to Pharisees who had wanted to stone a woman to death when she was caught in adultery)

You, whoever-you-are, have hurled an electronic and anonymous stone at a man who, in our human understanding of justice, deserved it, and you’ve asked others to throw stones at him, too.

But Jesus chose to show the woman the kind of
GRACE, MERCY, FORGIVENESS, AND LOVE
that we are ALL in need of.

Including that man.
 
AND including YOU, whoever-you-are.

You want other people to stop acting towards other people like this, whoever-you-are?

You want other people to start changing their racist views and actually treat all human beings equally?

You want other people to learn to appreciate and love others BECAUSE of their diversity, ethnicity, and differences culturally?

Then start by choosing to be the bigger person.
 
Choose to extend LOVE... EVEN to those who spout racist and bigoted comments and throw racial epithets towards others RATHER THAN
letting your outrage over that person's mistreatment of another human being drive you towards demanding that someone change their views, beliefs, and opinions immediately when they may have held those for most of their lives.

AND CHANGE TAKES TIME.

The very second you call them out on their bull-crap DOES NOT give you the license to broadcast their shortcomings to the rest of the world.

SO STOP IT.

You are NOT the judge, jury, or the enforcer of repercussions for the behavior of people like this man.

GOD IS.

And if you think that asking others to spread this man’s shame is serving up justice
and is the righteous thing to do,

YOU ARE WRONG.

I have personally felt the sting of people's judgmental looks and overheard critical comments that struck at my insecurities, took jabs at old wounds, and made me think that their mistreatment of me was MY fault when THEY were the ones with the issue.

I have personally carried the ache of self-condemnation and constant self-criticism. I have personally been in a place where I knew that I wanted to change old habits and things that were keeping me from moving forward with my life and growing closer to Jesus, but not really knowing how to because I was never shown where to start.

That is, until, someone was kind enough, gracious enough, merciful enough, loving enough, and humble enough to show me.

So, I ask you, whoever-you-are, can you accept the fact that you will get nowhere by just accusing, blaming, and shaming people for their faults?

Can you recognize and accept that you do not have to agree with a person’s belief or stance on something, and STILL CHOOSE TO LOVE THEM?

Because when people ask the question, “well what would Jesus do”, it certainly would NOT be what you did, whoever-you-are.

Sincerely,

A Daughter of the King (who is sick and tired of seeing flawed human beings sling shame and guilt at other flawed human beings for having flaws).