Growing up, I was incredibly uncomfortable in my own skin. So much so that there were days I didn't want to go to school or even leave the house because I didn't feel good enough about myself. I know I wasn't the only one to have struggled with a lack of self-love because it's become quite prevalent in this day and age, but this was my journey.
When I was younger I was often classified under the title "Tom-boy," this wasn't so much because I behaved like a boy but because I dressed like one. I found myself being more comfortable covering up my body than showing it off, so I would wear large hoodies and sweat pants or baggy jeans. I almost never did my hair because it was just easier to throw it up in a ponytail and go about my day. That alone made me stand out. My friends were shocked when I decided to attend my 8th grade semi-formal because that meant I had to wear a dress. My parents insisted I go and have a good time, and I wasn't too thrilled about that either.
I remember I was at my worst during high school, and I remember making the decision to not attend my junior prom for that very reason, I would have to put on another dress. I was still too uncomfortable in my body and I didn't want to be in a room of happy people when I knew I would end up uncomfortable and self-conscious. That's when I realized something had to change because I allowed myself to miss out on an experience purely because I hated the way I looked and that is no way to live. I started going to the gym a lot and made it a point to eat healthier. I remember asking my mom to take me to the mall to buy clothes that actually fit me. I then taught myself how to do my hair and put on a little makeup, and this was a small step in the right direction. All I had ever wanted was to be happy with myself.
The older I got, the more I realized that self-love was so much more than just being happy with my body and how I look when I stood in front of the mirror. I wanted to love every ounce of my being. I am beautiful, smart, strong, and hardworking. And I knew that loving myself was more than just a decision I made lying in bed one night. It was a journey. Each day I woke up and reminded myself that I am worth it, and this gave me the courage to become the woman I wanted to be. I am proud to say that I have been able to accomplish that.
I still find myself reaching for a T-shirt instead of a sun dress, and I'd much rather eat a chicken nugget than a salad (some things never change), but I am so much happier than that little girl sitting around in the baggy clothes. My journey to self-love has really only just begun.
