I have often heard a simple phrase tossed about in my life: life is a journey. Recently, I have discovered that saying to be one of the greatest truths in my life. After a depressing, long, lonesome and tiring school year, a year where I truly learned what it means to feel unloved and alone, I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Imagine going through that without a single person to help you. At least, that was how it felt. That was me, and though part of the loneliness was self-inflicted, I have never hurt so much in my 20 years. Coming home from school was to be a fresh start, and then my grandma, one of the few lights in my life, passed away. Though her life was beautiful, and she lived a long 89 years, I was rocked to the core. As if that was not enough, just this pass week, only six weeks since the passing of my grandma, I also lost my sweet uncle. Life really just will not give my family a break.
I do not say all of this to receive sympathy or pity. I say it to make a point. Life is a journey that we must constantly be vigilant of. I always was a happy person, and I tried every day to brighten the lives of those around me, but after fighting against Satan for years, I have found myself worn down. Not defeated, just bent. Smiles, laughter and encouraging my peers was always natural for me, yet nowadays, there is very little joy. Don't get me wrong, I have days where life is great, but on the days where I stumble, I feel myself withdraw from my usual joyous self. Many do not know this, but I do put on a face often.
1 John 3:17 states, "But if anyone has the worlds goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him?"
We are a people who are called to aide each other in times of distress. Accountability is what we seek in our relationships with our brothers and sisters. We should be able to trust our Christian friends and family to lift us up when life is beating us down, and not to take our trust and warp it into something sinful. When I tell another my struggles, I would like to believe they would not turn against me, but rather lift me up in love. Unfortunately, many of us have fallen short, myself included.
I am on a slippery slope in life. I do not use my struggles as an excuse, however what I am facing is real and terrifying. I do not wish to go at it alone. Those of you who struggle as I do, you know where I am coming from. Joy is just hard for us to reach sometimes. There are moments where we need encouraging of our own. At times, we need to be allowed to sit silently, yet still know we are loved. Joy is not always going to come easy, but as brothers and sisters in Christ, Christ being the one who IS joy, I ask for you to show me in your actions and words Christ's love for me. The only way for myself to heal, is to be surrounded by God and His people.
We all struggle with something. Our struggles are not our excuses. With Christ, we can each overcome the obstacles of our lives, and subsequently we can lead others to Christ by demonstrating His power within us. My anxiety diagnosis is not an excuse. My lack of joy, and me trying to find it, is not an excuse. I will never say I am perfect, as I know far too well how flawed I am, but Christ put me here for a reason. What I am facing in this moment, He already knew about. I call to my brothers and sisters in Christ to RISE UP. In a world that is tearing each other apart, we need each other to encourage and take care of each other. We are God's people. Help me find my joy again, so that I may lead more to the Light of Jesus Christ.
