Everyone told me that when you find your dream school, you feel like you are in the right place. I wouldn’t say I didn’t feel this way while touring schools, but I would definitely say I often cried because of how immense and important this decision was. The thought of going off to college terrified me while I was still a high school student. The idea of being away from home, especially away from my dog, was not something I wanted to start thinking about. It was a tough concept for me to comprehend. As the end of senior year approached, I would put on a smile when people asked if I was ready to move away because after all, the shopping for my dorm room was fun. Everything else? Well, not so much. I knew I wasn’t ready.
When move in day arrived, I could not control my emotions. The tears just kept coming. Being the homebody I am, I grabbed my planner and started picking out a weekend to go home. “Two weeks,” I told myself. If I could make it through two weeks, I could get back to my favorite place. This counting down system happened every time I would get back to school. Basically, every weekend. I spent my time counting down until the next time I would get to go home. It would start at 7 days and work its way down.
Travelling home for Christmas break, it crossed my mind that I might want to transfer to another school for sophomore year. Based on how unhappy I was while living three hours away, I knew there was a better fit for me. I sat down for dinner with my family, and my mom looked right at me and asked, “When can we move all of your stuff back home?” Shocked, I felt my face turn red, my lips quiver, and tears flood down my face. My mom understood how hard it was for me to be away as she is my best friend. My dad and I moved my stuff home the very next day.
I transferred to community college for the spring semester of my freshman year. Never had I imagined myself doing this. I had always been a social person, able to make friends wherever I am, but something inside me held me back when I was away from home. Being at the community college was the best experience for me at that time in my life. I learned how to balance my school work, social life, job at a day care, AND I became and Etsy shop owner. Being at home, I felt as if I was able to do so much. It was the best way for me to learn how to balance my time, something a lot of college students struggle with.
As the spring semester came to an end, I knew I would have to soon move away again. I started touring colleges that were closer to home, not sure of where I wanted to be or what would feel like home.
I toured several different schools, but was not impressed with any of them until I toured the last option: Lindenwood University. On the day of the tour, the admissions counselor provided a packet of enrollment papers, and one by one it was as if my hand couldn’t wait to sign and initial each and every one of the agreements to attend. My mom looked at me with an expression of “Maybe we should wait, and talk about it with Dad.” But I knew. I finally got that feeling that this is where I belong. This is my home away from home.
I cannot thank my family and friends enough for all of their encouragement, understanding, and presence through one of the roughest times I’ve faced. Throughout this journey, my parents always reminded me that God has a plan, and that He is on my side. They told me this when I first began struggling, and I still let it live with me today. God will put you where He wants you throughout your life. Even if you do not expect your journey to be this complicated, sometimes God makes it that way for you to learn lessons. God’s plan is greater than yours.
If you were to ask me a year ago if this is where I’d picture myself, I would answer with an immediate “No.” God threw me several different challenges, but in the end, I can see that it was all worth it because I am where I need to be. I am so happy and thankful He has led me on this crazy journey of finding my new home. Within the first month of being here, I have been blessed with becoming part of the Delta Zeta sisterhood, Honors College, and I have made so many new friends.
As much as I miss my dog, my time here flies by because of how happy I am. It is such a relieving feeling. Always know that there is indeed a light at the end of the tunnel. But more importantly, know that it will happen in God’s time, not your own.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6
