10 Jordan Kimball Quotes That Will Live Forever In 'Bachelorette' Folklore

10 Jordan Kimball Quotes That Will Live Forever In 'Bachelorette' Folklore

The Man With The Golden Underwear.


Jordan Kimball was hands down the most controversial contestant on Becca's season of The Bachelorette. If you can get past his blatant confidence and golden underwear, then there is a lot to appreciate when it comes to the things this guy says. As Becca expressed, Jordan is truly one of the most interesting and unique people you will ever come across. He is a brand of his own. Here are 10 Jordan quotes that are just too hilarious not to recognize.

1. "I'm really losing out on potentially sharing myself with someone else."

THE Jordan Kimball has this selfless revelation in his introduction video. He talks about the hardships that come with modeling, and then humbly admits he has been so self-absorbed that someone else has missed out on knowing him. What an enlightenment.

2. *exits limo* "How are you?"

Okay so it isn't really a funny quote, but it is what's happening in his head and with his facial expressions that makes this so hilarious.

Becca: "Hello."

Jordan: *Step out of limo... emphasize on your shoes. Strike 'Pensive Gentleman' as you look into the distance. Strike 'Blue Steel' as you button your jacket. Look at Becca. Smile.* "How are you?"

There's a 99.9 percent chance that is exactly what went through Jordan's head as he stepped out of the limo. I mean he spent 6 hours hand selecting everything, remember?

3. "I'm a fashion model. Let's go ahead and establish that, okay?"

OH. You model Jordan? I didn't put that one together. Thank you for clarifying.

4. "I'm just loyal and I'm dependable. I'm a golden retriever."

This was Jordan's response to Becca asking him how he is in a relationship. It all goes full circle, too, when he is leaving after Becca sends him home. "I can speak, I can walk, I'm fit... I just wish I could know what went wrong." The exact thoughts every golden retriever has when their owner puts them in the kennel.

5. "The power is in the brows."

The man isn't wrong. A person's brows can make or break them. My high school senior pictures are absolutely horrific, why? Because my brows were unwaxed and unfilled. I wish I had his wise advice then.

6. "You could literally put me in a cardboard box and I will have the best time."

You gotta admire a person who can make the best of any situation. If Jordan's modeling career fails and he is forced to live on the streets, Jordan will do it with beauty and he will do it with grace.

7. "Anyone that's talking about me, thank you."

It doesn't matter what you have to say. I am just honored to be the forefront of your conversation. That's how it should always be.

8. "I don't want you to misinterpret me as some guy who is 007 all of the time cause I'm not. There's a lot to me."

Call me Kimball. Jordan Kimball: The Man With The Golden Underwear.

9. "Attached to me is professionality. It's in my face. It's in everything I do."

It's attached to me when I spritz sea salt spray into my hair. It's attached to me when I'm getting a pedicure. It's attached to me at all times.

10. "Tick tock. Let's make it rock."

I'm just saying... I can't wait to watch Jordan tick-tock make it rock in paradise with his one-of-a-kind quotes and hopefully he packs his golden underwear.

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9 Reasons Crocs Are The Only Shoes You Need

Crocs have holes so your swag can breathe.

Do you have fond childhood objects that make you nostalgic just thinking about your favorite Barbie or sequenced purse? Well for me, its my navy Crocs. Those shoes put me through elementary school. I eventually wore them out so much that I had to say goodbye. I tried Airwalks and sandals, but nothing compared. Then on my senior trip in New York City, a four story Crocs store gleamed at me from across the street and I bought another pair of Navy Blue Crocs. The rest is history. I wear them every morning to the lake for practice and then throughout the day to help air out my soaking feet. I love my Crocs so much, that I was in shock when it became apparent to me that people don't feel the same. Here are nine reasons why you should just throw out all of your other shoes and settle on Crocs.

1. They are waterproof.

These bad boys can take on the wettest of water. Nobody is sure what they are made of, though. The debate is still out there on foam vs. rubber. You can wear these bad boys any place water may or may not be: to the lake for practice or to the club where all the thirsty boys are. But honestly who cares because they're buoyant and water proof. Raise the roof.

2. Your most reliable support system

There is a reason nurses and swimming instructors alike swear by Crocs. Comfort. Croc's clogs will make you feel like your are walking on a cloud of Laffy Taffy. They are wide enough that your toes are not squished, and the rubbery material forms perfectly around your foot. Added bonus: The holes let in a nice breeze while riding around on your Razor Scooter.

3. Insane durability

Have you ever been so angry you could throw a Croc 'cause same? Have you ever had a Croc bitten while wrestling a great white shark? Me too. Have you ever had your entire foot rolled like a fruit roll up but had your Crocs still intact? Also me. All I know is that Seal Team 6 may or may not have worn these shoes to find and kill Osama Bin Laden. Just sayin'.

4. Bling, bling, bling

Jibbitz, am I right?! These are basically they're own money in the industry of comfortable footwear. From Spongebob to Christmas to your favorite fossil, Jibbitz has it all. There's nothing more swag-tastic than pimped out crocs. Lady. Killer.

5. So many options

From the classic clog to fashionable sneakers, Crocs offer so many options that are just too good to pass up on. They have fur lined boots, wedges, sandals, loafers, Maryjane's, glow in the dark, Minion themed, and best of all, CAMO! Where did your feet go?!

6. Affordable

Crocs: $30

Feeling like a boss: Priceless

7. Two words: Adventure Straps

Because you know that when you move the strap from casual mode chillin' in the front to behind the heal, it's like using a shell on Mario Cart.

8. Crocs cares

Okay, but for real, Crocs is a great company because they have donated over 3 million pairs of crocs to people in need around the world. Move over Toms, the Croc is in the house.

9. Stylish AF

The boys will be coming for you like Steve Irwin.

Who cares what the haters say, right? Wear with pride, and go forth in style.

Cover Image Credit: Chicago Tribune

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From One Nerd To Another

My contemplation of the complexities between different forms of art.


Aside from reading Guy Harrison's guide to eliminating scientific ignorance called, "At Least Know This: Essential Science to Enhance Your Life" and, "The Breakthrough: Immunotherapy and the Race to Cure Cancer" by Charles Graeber, an informative and emotional historical account explaining the potential use of our own immune systems to cure cancer, I read articles and worked on my own writing in order to keep learning while enjoying my winter break back in December. I also took a trip to the Guggenheim Museum.

I wish I was artistic. Generally, I walk through museums in awe of what artists can do. The colors and dainty details simultaneously inspire me and remind me of what little talent I posses holding a paintbrush. Walking through the Guggenheim was no exception. Most of the pieces are done by Hilma af Klint, a 20th-century Swedish artist expressing her beliefs and curiosity about the universe through her abstract painting. I was mostly at the exhibit to appease my mom (a K - 8th-grade art teacher), but as we continued to look at each piece and read their descriptions, I slowly began to appreciate them and their underlying meanings.

I like writing that integrates symbols, double meanings, and metaphors into its message because I think that the best works of art are the ones that have to be sought after. If the writer simply tells you exactly what they were thinking and how their words should be interpreted, there's no room for imagination. An unpopular opinion in high school was that reading "The Scarlet Letter" by Nathaniel Hawthorne was fun. Well, I thought it was. At the beginning of the book, there's a scene where Hawthorne describes a wild rosebush that sits just outside of the community prison. As you read, you are free to decide whether it's an image of morality, the last taste of freedom and natural beauty for criminals walking toward their doom, or a symbol of the relationship between the Puritans with their prison-like expectations and Hester, the main character, who blossoms into herself throughout the novel. Whichever one you think it is doesn't matter, the point is that the rosebush can symbolize whatever you want it to. It's the same with paintings - they can be interpreted however you want them to be.

As we walked through the building, its spiral design leading us further and further upwards, we were able to catch glimpses of af Klint's life through the strokes of her brush. My favorite of her collections was one titled, "Evolution." As a science nerd myself, the idea that the story of our existence was being incorporated into art intrigued me. One piece represented the eras of geological time through her use of spirals and snails colored abstractly. She clued you into the story she was telling by using different colors and tones to represent different periods. It felt like reading "The Scarlet Letter" and my biology textbook at the same time. Maybe that sounds like the worst thing ever, but to me it was heaven. Art isn't just art and science isn't just science. Aspects of different studies coexist and join together to form something amazing that will speak to even the most untalented patron walking through the museum halls.

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