If All The Guys You Dated In College Became John Mayer Songs

If All The Guys You Dated In College Became John Mayer Songs

You knew it would never be more than “swimming in a deep sea of blankets.”

If there’s one thing that got me through college (besides coffee), it was John Mayer.

I don’t care what anybody says, he’s a legend. I know he's probably the last person you'd want to take dating advice from, but at least his songs can take us back to certain moments in relationships that we will never forget.

His songs are the perfect representation of the guys we have all come across in college.

1. Slow Dancing In A Burning Room: “The Guy You Dated For So Long It Was Hard To Break Up”

You know when you know things are going downhill, but you’re too scared to acknowledge them because that means everything changes? The both of you knew this “love we’ve been working on” wasn’t going to last forever, and the time to move on has finally come.

2. My Stupid Mouth: “The Guy Who Was Always A Nervous Wreck”

This guy is one of my favorites because he’s just trying so hard to impress you but things never seem to go right. He just wants to be “liked” and “funny,” but his name might as well be “captain backfire” with all of the nonsense coming out of his mouth. You can’t help but appreciate his effort, and if he’s lucky, you may even give him a second chance.

3. Helpless: “The Guy Who Was Always Broke”

He didn’t have a job, or a life TBH, but for some reason, you were drawn to him. In the beginning, you didn’t mind lending him a few bucks, but slowly you realized that he spent it all on alcohol. Eventually, you admitted to him that he was a loser and that you were too good for him so he could finally, “stop trying to figure it out.”

4. Edge Of Desire: "The Guy Who Always Swept You Off Your Feet"

You know those Instagram photos couples post with captions like, “Wow, I can’t believe he surprised me with flowers and booked us a plane ticket to Hawaii for our one year anniversary?” Okay, maybe that’s stretching it a little bit, but you get what I mean. No matter how jealous this makes you, you have to admit, this is pretty damn romantic. He wants you “so bad” and he’ll do everything that he possibly can to make sure that you’ll never forget about him, even though there’s such a small chance of that actually happening.

5. Why Georgia: “The Guy You Were Unsure About”

He was like “driving up 85” because you were never sure things would keep moving forward. Please tell me someone from Atlanta got that joke. You’re not sure whether or not you want to “keep the car in drive” or “leave it all behind,” and get off the nearest exit to satisfy your Chipotle cravings. But there’s a good chance you’ll keep driving until he does something that makes you want to crash the car, with him the passenger seat, of course.

6. Your Body Is A Wonderland: “The Guy Who Just Wanted To Get In Your Pants”

Don’t tell me you’re reading this and an image of that guy - you know the one, pops into your head immediately. You probably met him on Tinder, and at least the first ten messages he sent were full of sexual innuendos. You two may or may not have hooked up a couple of times, it’s totally chill, we don’t judge here, but deep down you knew it would never be more than “swimming in a deep sea of blankets.”

SEE ALSO: 11 Types Of Guys Who Slid Into Your DM's In College, At Least Once

7. Love On The Weekend: “The Guy Who Lived A Few Hours Away”

You probably met him at the most random place, the last place you thought you’d meet someone. You didn’t realize how much you actually liked him until he was gone, and you knew you just had to see him again. The problem is that he doesn’t live nearby, and your only chance to see him is on the weekends. But that doesn’t matter because as soon as the two of you are together, you thoroughly enjoy “being the DJ” while he is “the driver.”

8. Who Says: "The Guy Who Did Whatever The Fuck He Wanted No Matter What You Said"

Ugh, he’s the worst kind. You thought he’d come around eventually but instead, he decided to be reckless and abandon you when you needed him the most. He wants to change his behavior and show you that he is better than his past, but he ends up “getting stoned” and “calling up other girls that he used to know.” The best part? He probably doesn’t even remember you.

9. Still Feel Like Your Man: “The Guy Who Never Quite Got Over You”

He is that awful ex who still sends you those “I miss you” texts every few months as if you are going to come around and get back together. You really wish he would just move on and talk to that cute girl at the party, but the truth is, he still “keeps your shampoo in the shower.”

10. Daughters: “The Guy Who Was BFF’s With Your Dad”

Introducing him to your parents wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be as soon as you realized he liked the same sports team as your dad. This guy treated you like a lady, he was a true gentleman. Which is why it sucked so much when you guys broke up because your dad wouldn’t stop asking about him.

11. Say: “The Guy Who Was Always Honest With You”

If there was a guy who really understood how you were feeling, it was him. He didn’t see the point in masking his true feelings because that only meant pulling further away from you. You didn’t even mind fighting with him because you guys always talked things out. He always encouraged you to speak your mind, even if it meant doing so “with a heart wide open.”

12. Gravity: “The Guy Who Just Couldn’t Commit”

There is this myth that guys are afraid of commitment, but I think it’s bullshit. If he wants to be with you, he will commit. You can’t force it, just like you can’t force gravity. There’s no telling what’s keeping him from being with you, maybe it’s his cravings, but you shouldn’t be worried about him.

13. Come Back To Bed: “The Guy Who Screwed Things Up Pretty Bad”

He’s begging for you to come back and just forget about all of the terrible things he said until the next morning. He wants you right beside him, but we all know you should never go to bed angry. He knows he is going to have to make it up to you, but only if you let him wipe “your tears on these sheets.”

Cover Image Credit: YouTube

Popular Right Now

I'd Rather Be Single Than Settle – Here Is Why Being Picky Is Okay

They're on their best behavior when you're dating.

Dating nowadays described in one word: annoying.

What's even more annoying? when people tell you that you're being too "picky" when it comes to dating. Yes, from an outside perspective sometimes that's exactly what it looks like; however, when looking at it from my perspective it all makes sense.

I've heard it all:

"He was cute, why didn't you like him?"

"You didn't even give him a chance!"

"You pay too much attention to the little things!"

What people don't understand is that it's OKAY to be picky when it comes to guys. For some reason, girls in college freak out and think they're supposed to have a boyfriend by now, be engaged by the time they graduate, etc. It's all a little ridiculous.

However, I refuse to put myself on a time table such as this due to the fact that these girls who feel this way are left with no choice but to overlook the things in guys that they shouldn't be overlooking, they're settling and this is something that I refuse to do.

So this leaves the big question: What am I waiting for?

Well, I'm waiting for a guy who...

1. Wants to know my friends.

Blessed doesn't even begin to describe how lucky I am to have the friends that I do.

I want a guy who can hang out with my friends. If a guy makes an effort to impress your friends then that says a lot about him and how he feels about you. This not only shows that he cares about you but he cares about the people in your life as well.

Someone should be happy to see you happy and your friends contribute to that happiness, therefore, they should be nothing more than supportive and caring towards you and your friendships.

2. Actually, cares to get to know me.

Although this is a very broad statement, this is the most important one. A guy should want to know all about you. He should want to know your favorite movie, favorite ice cream flavor, favorite Netflix series, etc. Often, (the guys I get stuck on dates with) love to talk about themselves: they would rather tell you about what workout they did yesterday, what their job is, and what they like to do rather than get to know you.

This is something easy to spot on the first date, so although they may be "cute," you should probably drop them if you leave your date and can recite everything about their life since the day they were born, yet they didn't catch what your last name was.

3. How they talk about other women.

It does not matter who they're talking about, if they call their ex-girlfriend crazy we all know she probably isn't and if she is it's probably their fault.

If they talk bad about their mom, let's be honest, if they're disrespecting their mother they're not going to respect you either. If they mention a girl's physical appearances when describing them. For example, "yeah, I think our waitress is that blonde chick with the big boobs"

Well if that doesn't hint they're a complete f* boy then I don't know what else to tell you. And most importantly calling other women "bitches" that's just disrespectful.

Needless to say, if his conversations are similar to ones you'd hear in a frat house, ditch him.

4. Phone etiquette.

If he can't put his phone down long enough to take you to dinner then he doesn't deserve for you to be sitting across from him.

If a guy is serious about you he's going to give you his undivided attention and he's going to do whatever it takes to impress you and checking Snapchat on a date is not impressive. Also, notice if his phone is facedown, then there's most likely a reason for it.

He doesn't trust who or what could pop up on there and he clearly doesn't want you seeing. Although I'm not particularly interested in what's popping up on their phones, putting them face down says more about the guy than you think it does.

To reiterate, it's okay to be picky ladies, you're young, there's no rush.

Remember these tips next time you're on a date or seeing someone, and keep in mind: they're on their best behavior when you're dating. Then ask yourself, what will they be like when they're comfortable? Years down the road? Is this what I really want? If you ask yourself these questions you might be down the same road I have stumbled upon, being too picky.. and that's better than settling.

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

5 Reasons Why I Don't Want Kids

Procreating. It's not for everyone.


My cousin had a baby last August. She's absolutely beautiful and I love her to death, but she doesn't change my mind when it comes to wanting kids when I'm older. Truth is, I don't want kids. I'm sure everyone says this at some point in their life, and maybe I will change my mind in the future, but kids kind of freak me out.

Maybe I'm just not the most maternal person, but here's why having kids, at least for now, isn't on my bucket list.

1. Giving birth.

I know, I know, it's a beautiful thing, the miracle of life or whatever, but go watch a birthing video and then come tell me how beautiful it really is. Everything from a woman's water breaking, to actually giving birth just grosses me out, to be honest.

The thought of having to push something the size of a watermelon out of something the size of a lemon is just absolutely terrifying. I have a pretty average to above average pain tolerance, but no matter how well you can deal with pain, that shit is obviously not a pleasant experience.

2. The responsibility.

You have to do everything for babies, literally everything. Feed it, dress it, wash it, change it, put it to sleep, and you have to know what a baby wants when it wants it. If I had a baby and it started to cry, I would have no idea what to do. I know plenty of people say that once you have the baby, you automatically know which type of crying is for what need, but that makes no sense to me.

Do babies have different types of cries? How do you know which is which?

I consider myself a pretty responsible person when it comes time to be accountable for myself, but to be accountable for another life form?

I'll put it this way. I have two pet turtles. We got them when I was about twelve or so years old, and I remember being obsessed with them. That lasted for like maybe two weeks, and then I got bored with them, which meant I didn't take care of them. My parents did. Not the best analogy for obvious reasons, but I'm sure you understand what I'm trying to say. In other words, if I can barely take care of a pet, how would I ever be able to take care of a small human?

3. Kids are messy and loud.

Look, I'm not like a total clean freak or anything like that, but my mother definitely is. She used to disinfect sticks so my sister and I could roast marshmallows when we went camping for Girl Scouts. My point is, it's been drilled into my brain that everything has to be wiped down clean, and germs are not my friends.

I hate being around sick people; they freak me out, especially since I get sick so easily. If my baby or child were to get sick, I'd obviously still have to take care of it, which means wiping snot, cleaning vomit, and getting coughed on. I guarantee you, as soon as my child were to get better, I'd get sick.

Don't even get me started on changing dirty diapers.

Also, if there's anything I've learned from my cousin's baby thus far, it's that babies put everything in their mouths. Any object on the ground, their hands, and feet; nothing is safe. Babies don't understand sanitation, so it's not their fault, but I just know that if I had a kid, it would be in a plastic bubble so it could remain as clean as possible.

Babies are also very loud. Back when I worked at a diner, we used to have customers with little kids and babies all the time. If the kid was unhappy for any reason, that child would scream its head off. I never understood how such a big noise could come from such a small human.

4. Kids are expensive AF.

Kids are not cheap. They have an entire laundry list of stuff that needs to be bought for them, and they run out of supplies frequently. I can't imagine how much money people spend on things like diapers, formula, and clothes. Speaking of clothes, babies grow out things quickly. You get one or two good uses of an outfit and that's it. They outgrow it, and they can no longer use it.

Then, as they get older, you've got to think about school, eventually college, and extracurricular activities that they want to do, gifts for Christmas and other holidays. I say all of this, realizing how much my own parents have spent on me and my siblings (thanks, Mom and Dad).

5. Raising kids looks hard.

Knowing how much my sisters and I were pains in the asses for my parents, I can't imagine having to deal with that crap myself. The whole idea of shaping a child into a fully functioning member of society with good morals and conscience sounds like a lot of work.

There have been so many times where I would be at work and I'd have to deal with customers that have their kids with them, and these children are the biggest brats I've ever seen. Rude, disrespectful, obnoxious or disruptive; just the opposite of how kids should act in any public setting.

A big part of the reason I wouldn't want kids is that I see other people's kids and the way they act. It makes me just want to yell at the parents. At least I know that if I do ever decide to have kids, they'll be raised the way I want them to be and they'll behave the way they're supposed to. Appropriately.

In the big picture of things, whether or not you want kids is up to you. It's not meant for everyone and that's not the end of the world. I always get told that I don't mean it when I say I don't want kids, which isn't that big of a deal, but it can get annoying. In my opinion, if a person says they don't want kids, it's not because they think kids are like some evil being or anything like that. It's because they know their limits.

Growing a family is an amazing thing, but it's also different for everyone. No one should be judged for not liking or wanting to have kids. Everyone has different opinions. This one is just mine.


Related Content

Facebook Comments