If there’s one thing that got me through college (besides coffee), it was John Mayer.
I don’t care what anybody says, he’s a legend. I know he's probably the last person you'd want to take dating advice from, but at least his songs can take us back to certain moments in relationships that we will never forget.
His songs are the perfect representation of the guys we have all come across in college.
1. Slow Dancing In A Burning Room: “The Guy You Dated For So Long It Was Hard To Break Up”
You know when you know things are going downhill, but you’re too scared to acknowledge them because that means everything changes? The both of you knew this “love we’ve been working on” wasn’t going to last forever, and the time to move on has finally come.
2. My Stupid Mouth: “The Guy Who Was Always A Nervous Wreck”
This guy is one of my favorites because he’s just trying so hard to impress you but things never seem to go right. He just wants to be “liked” and “funny,” but his name might as well be “captain backfire” with all of the nonsense coming out of his mouth. You can’t help but appreciate his effort, and if he’s lucky, you may even give him a second chance.
3. Helpless: “The Guy Who Was Always Broke”
He didn’t have a job, or a life TBH, but for some reason, you were drawn to him. In the beginning, you didn’t mind lending him a few bucks, but slowly you realized that he spent it all on alcohol. Eventually, you admitted to him that he was a loser and that you were too good for him so he could finally, “stop trying to figure it out.”
4. Edge Of Desire: "The Guy Who Always Swept You Off Your Feet"
You know those Instagram photos couples post with captions like, “Wow, I can’t believe he surprised me with flowers and booked us a plane ticket to Hawaii for our one year anniversary?” Okay, maybe that’s stretching it a little bit, but you get what I mean. No matter how jealous this makes you, you have to admit, this is pretty damn romantic. He wants you “so bad” and he’ll do everything that he possibly can to make sure that you’ll never forget about him, even though there’s such a small chance of that actually happening.
5. Why Georgia: “The Guy You Were Unsure About”
He was like “driving up 85” because you were never sure things would keep moving forward. Please tell me someone from Atlanta got that joke. You’re not sure whether or not you want to “keep the car in drive” or “leave it all behind,” and get off the nearest exit to satisfy your Chipotle cravings. But there’s a good chance you’ll keep driving until he does something that makes you want to crash the car, with him the passenger seat, of course.
6. Your Body Is A Wonderland: “The Guy Who Just Wanted To Get In Your Pants”
Don’t tell me you’re reading this and an image of that guy - you know the one, pops into your head immediately. You probably met him on Tinder, and at least the first ten messages he sent were full of sexual innuendos. You two may or may not have hooked up a couple of times, it’s totally chill, we don’t judge here, but deep down you knew it would never be more than “swimming in a deep sea of blankets.”
7. Love On The Weekend: “The Guy Who Lived A Few Hours Away”
You probably met him at the most random place, the last place you thought you’d meet someone. You didn’t realize how much you actually liked him until he was gone, and you knew you just had to see him again. The problem is that he doesn’t live nearby, and your only chance to see him is on the weekends. But that doesn’t matter because as soon as the two of you are together, you thoroughly enjoy “being the DJ” while he is “the driver.”
8. Who Says: "The Guy Who Did Whatever The Fuck He Wanted No Matter What You Said"
Ugh, he’s the worst kind. You thought he’d come around eventually but instead, he decided to be reckless and abandon you when you needed him the most. He wants to change his behavior and show you that he is better than his past, but he ends up “getting stoned” and “calling up other girls that he used to know.” The best part? He probably doesn’t even remember you.
9. Still Feel Like Your Man: “The Guy Who Never Quite Got Over You”
He is that awful ex who still sends you those “I miss you” texts every few months as if you are going to come around and get back together. You really wish he would just move on and talk to that cute girl at the party, but the truth is, he still “keeps your shampoo in the shower.”
10. Daughters: “The Guy Who Was BFF’s With Your Dad”
Introducing him to your parents wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be as soon as you realized he liked the same sports team as your dad. This guy treated you like a lady, he was a true gentleman. Which is why it sucked so much when you guys broke up because your dad wouldn’t stop asking about him.
11. Say: “The Guy Who Was Always Honest With You”
If there was a guy who really understood how you were feeling, it was him. He didn’t see the point in masking his true feelings because that only meant pulling further away from you. You didn’t even mind fighting with him because you guys always talked things out. He always encouraged you to speak your mind, even if it meant doing so “with a heart wide open.”
12. Gravity: “The Guy Who Just Couldn’t Commit”
There is this myth that guys are afraid of commitment, but I think it’s bullshit. If he wants to be with you, he will commit. You can’t force it, just like you can’t force gravity. There’s no telling what’s keeping him from being with you, maybe it’s his cravings, but you shouldn’t be worried about him.
13. Come Back To Bed: “The Guy Who Screwed Things Up Pretty Bad”
He’s begging for you to come back and just forget about all of the terrible things he said until the next morning. He wants you right beside him, but we all know you should never go to bed angry. He knows he is going to have to make it up to you, but only if you let him wipe “your tears on these sheets.”