Jo Jo made a big mistake.

Do I mean that she should have picked Robby over Jordan or better yet that she should have kept Luke around and picked him? Not exactly. I am convinced that Jo Jo’s mistake was choosing to do the Bachelor and then the Bachelorette in the first place. She should not have gone on a program designed to make her fall in love with multiple men and then break several hearts. She should not have signed up for a show that feeds off of her drama, feeds off of the heartbreak of others and feeds off of the sexy dates she takes with multiple men. Most of the relationships that have resulted from the Bachelor and the Bachelorette have fallen through, leaving few true happily ever afters from the “search for true love” that they package for us on the television.But what hasn’t fallen is the ratings and as ABC continues to rake in the cash they continue to manipulate their viewers into thinking that what they are viewing on the screen is healthy romantic love. It’s not.

I don’t mean to condemn those who watch the show because I have several friends who do. I understand the strange allure of reality television, being a Survivor nut myself, and thus my attack on a show like the Bachelor is probably partially hypocritical. I admit that the Bachelor or Bachelorette can be entertaining (although they don’t particularly appeal to me) because entertainment is what they are designed for.So if you’re reading this and you’re a huge fan of the show, please view this as a challenge to think about what you are viewing rather than a personal attack towards you.

I also don’t mean to say that people like Chris Harrison and others working at ABC care nothing about Jo Jo and the other contestants. I am sure that they actually do want the best for the people they work with. And yet, make no mistake about it. The show is designed primarily for the consumer and not the participants. And if that means they have to drag their contestants’ emotional and relational well-beings through the sewer to feed their consumer’s need for drama, they will do it and they have done it for thirty seasons.

There are two ways to view what happened in the finale last week. Both are messed up. One is to take Jo-Jo at face value and believe that she was truly in love with both men. That as she made out with Robby underwater and told him to tell her what their future was, that there was still a really good chance that she would choose him.She loved him and then had to break his heart by choosing someone else. That is emotionally destructive to both her and the man who she rejected. Time after time on the Bachelor and Bachelorette, men and women are genuinely convinced that they will be the one picked and their hearts are bashed on national TV. I can’t imagine the deep pain being told no after being convinced that you were the one. But at least the heartbreaking is done in the name of love right? Well…if it was all about love would they really force the guy to do interviews after the rejection? Would they really bring him back so he has to face the girl he loved and have a conversation with her?

And also think about what this does for Jo Jo. She even said it during the finale: “If I choose Jordan and things get tough I’ll always wonder what would have happened if I chose Robby. And if I choose Robby and things get tough I’ll always wonder what would have happened if I chose Jordan.” I can imagine it would be extremely difficult to shake the “grass is always greener” mentality especially after being so physically intimate with both partners. And I am quite confident that the process of purposefully falling in love with different people at the same time is the reason that only 6 of the 30 Bachelor and Bachelorette couples have remained married. Now, I don’t believe it’s impossible to fall in love with two different people but I do believe that doing so simultaneously takes quite the toll on someone’s emotional health. I can imagine that if Jordan watched the finale and saw her steamy kisses with Robby in the water, that he might feel a little uncomfortable. If the decision was really so difficult for her, how can he feel confident that she is fully engaged in her relationship with him? I really do hope that Jordan and Jo Jo have a happy marriage but I wouldn’t be surprised if their relationship falls apart pretty quickly, not because of themselves as people but because of the process they have been put through. The whole concept of the show is full of opportunities for insecurity, heartbreak, and manipulation.

The second possibility concerning what happened in the finale is even worse and for that reason I choose to believe that Jo Jo was truly in love with Robby. But it is possible that Jo Jo had already chosen Jordan when the filming of the finale took place. And yet, due to the production of the television show, she had to lie to both Robby and the audience in order to make it look like he still had a chance. That means that she introduced this man to his family, kissed him repeatedly and deeply, told him how much she trusted and loved him, all the while planning to break his heart and pick the other guy. I don’t mean to single out her specifically. I’m sure many of the men and women who have been the Bachelor or Bachelorette have had to perform for the cameras. And it’s not necessarily their fault either. ABC is the one who sets the number of episodes and even if the Bachelor is sure who he wants to marry after week 6, he is contractually obligated to keep having romantic dates with fondling and flirting included with multiple women at a time. But that’s just simply immoral. That’s not love. It’s deception. That’s not beautiful. It’s manipulative. Lying to people who are falling for you, leading them on for the sake of entertainment value, is quite simply awful.

I don’t want to judge the people who go on these shows. I understand that the pain of loneliness can be deep and that the opportunity to find love on a television show is exciting. But I do believe that choosing to go on a show like that will only lead to more pain, for both you and the men or women you interact with.

In conclusion, I’d like to appeal to the deepest and truest love of all. Many of the people who go on the Bachelor or Bachelorette are seeking completion and satisfaction in life. They are convinced that once they find “the one” they will be filled with true contentment. But I believe that there is only one person’s love that will truly satisfy our hearts’ deep longings and his name is Jesus Christ. Romantic love should be an outpouring of the sacrificial love Jesus has for his bride, the church he died for. A fiancée will never bring you true contentment. But God? His love and his grace will never ever let you down.