10 General Thoughts I Had While Watching Jersey Shore For The First Time

10 General Thoughts I Had While Watching Jersey Shore For The First Time

"WTH is a Guido?"

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Okay, so I will preface this article by saying that I'm the type of person who HATES trashy reality shows. I just don't understand how people can find the lives of others so entertaining to the point where you'll watch a revival series of an original show, or even an odd spinoff of the original show you liked in the first place. But yet, here I am, binge watching season one of MTV's beloved "Jersey Shore" (JS) and the new revival series "Jersey Shore: Family Vacation". I'd like to think that I've watched both shows enough to have a general opinion about the JS cast and their way of life. So, without further ado, here are ten thoughts that I had while watching Jersey Shore for the first time.

1. “What in living hell am I watching?”

This dog didn't exactly mirror my reaction but... kind of close.

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Perhaps I'm not the only one who thought this when they first discovered JS, but hey, getting used to JS is a major adjustment to my TV viewing habits.

2. “WTH is a Guido?”

I ship these guidos as a couple #vinnyandpaulyforever

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I swear on my life that for a solid half hour of watching JS that I was lost af because of the cast's unique vocabulary. What's a Guido? Are they referring to themselves (of course they were) or someone else? Nothing like a good ol' fashioned Urban Dictionary search to educate the clueless (AKA me).

3. ‘Bruh, they get into a lot of fights.”

Who could forget Snooki infamously getting knocked down in season one?

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People love the cast because of their functionality as a family, and just like any family there are bound to be fights every now and then. However, practically every episode of JS has someone fighting with someone else, whether it's one of the cast members fighting with one of their own, or one of the Guidos fights some random stranger in the club. Either way, drama is drama.

4. “Who needs this much tan on? Like bruh.”

Gym Tan Laundry y'all! And don't you forget it!

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As I'm sure any JS fan knows, the classy G.T.L routine that started all the way back in season one is a contributing factor as to why these Guidos have so much tan on. The Gym-Tan-Laundry ritual, as explained by The Situation here, is an all week process to look F.T.D for the club.

I'm all for doing what you wanna do in life, but fam, don't turn into an orange!

5. “Wow, they’re getting wasted in the middle of the day. If I did that, people would think I’d have a problem.”

Glasses all around for everyone!

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I realize that the JS cast aren't the only people in the world who do this, but wow these guys just drink… and drink… and drink...

6. “Some of this drama just has to be scripted, right?”

... or it's not. One of the two.

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No way in heck is this show not scripted. There are just some fight scenes where I'm just like "This drama is unnecessary, I bet a producer is behind this." While certain cast members have denied that the show is indeed scripted, there are other accounts of that not being the case. And as a new fan of the Jersey Shore franchise, here's my opinion: As long as they are as genuine as possible, I'll continue to binge watch the show regardless.

7. “Wait, hold up. Snooki has kids now?!? And so does JWoww? What?”

Bro, this is news to me.

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I didn't know Snooki and JWoww had kids until "Jersey Shore: Family Vacation" premiered. I just find it amazing how these meatballs have transformed into mothers but still know how to let loose and have fun. Kudos to them for living their best life. I just hope that we as viewers get to see Deena's family grow as she progresses into motherhood herself.

8. “I just realized that all of their names rhyme, why did this take me so long to realize that?”

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I know, I know, random thought. But come on: Pauly, Snooki, Ronnie, Mikey, Vinny, Jenni… and then there's Deena (sorry, not hating on ya D, but we gotta get ya to fit in there somehow!). They all rhyme, that's all I'm saying.

9. “God damn it, I want Vinny’s mom to make me an Italian dinner! I freaking love his folks!”

Vinny's mother knows how to cook like a real Italian woman, don't @ me bro. As evidenced recently in "Family Vacation", Vinny's folks love him and the cast immensely, and what's better to show your love for someone than to cook for them?

10. “I hope someday soon I have a tight family like these Guidos have it after all these years.”

Let's just cancel those who decided not to attend the revival series, shall we? (*ahem* Looking at you, Sammi!)

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Whether you love them or hate them, these Jersey Guidos are family. They may be crazy, and maybe they party too hard, but they're family. While I'm not a party hard chick whatsoever, I'd love to have a tight-knit family like these guys do when I'm older.

The original "Jersey Shore" ran for six seasons on MTV, and lucky enough for fans MTV arranged for the cast to reunite for "Jersey Shore: Family Vacation" for not just one season, but a second season was just recently announced. So prepare yourselves guys, more chaos will ensue from the Shore!

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50 Quotes from the Best Vines

If you're picturing the vines in your head, you're doing it right
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In 2017 we had to say goodbye to one of the best websites to ever roam the internet: Vine. In case you have been living under a rock since 2013, Vine was -(sad face)- a website and app that took the internet and the app store by storm in Winter 2013. It contained 6-second videos that were mostly comedy- but there were other genres including music, sports, cool tricks and different trends. Vine stars would get together and plan out a vine and film it till they got it right.

It was owned by Twitter and it was shut down because of so many reasons; the viners were leaving and making money from Youtube, there was simply no money in it and Twitter wanted us to suffer.

There's been a ton of threads on Twitter of everyone's favorite vines so I thought I'd jump in and share some of my favorites. So without further ado, here are some quotes of vines that most vine fanatics would know.

1. "AHH...Stahhp. I coulda dropped mah croissant"

2. "Nate how are those chicken strips?" "F%#K YA CHICKEN STRIPS.....F%#K ya chicken strips!"

3. "Road work ahead? Uh Yea, I sure hope it does"

4. "Happy Crimus...." "It's crismun..." "Merry crisis" "Merry chrysler"

5. "...Hi Welcome to Chili's"

6. "HoW dO yOu kNoW wHaT's gOoD fOr mE?" "THAT'S MY OPINIONNN!!!.."

7."Welcome to Bible Study. We're all children of Jesus... Kumbaya my looordd"

8. Hi my name's Trey, I have a basketball game tomorrow. Well I'm a point guard, I got shoe game..."

9. "It's a avocadooo...thanks"

10. "Yo how much money do you have?" "69 cents" "AYE you know what that means?" "I don't have enough money for chicken nuggets"

11. "Hurricane Katrina? More like Hurricane Tortilla."

12. "Hey Tara you want some?" "This b*%th empty. YEET!"

13. "Get to Del Taco. They got a new thing called Freesha-- Free-- Freeshavaca do"

14. "Mothertrucker dude that hurt like a buttcheek on a stick"

15. "Two brooss chillin in a hot tub 5 feet apart cuz they're not gay"

16. "Jared can you read number 23 for the class?" "No I cannot.... What up I'm Jared, I'm 19 and I never f#@%in learned how to read."

17. "Not to be racist or anything but Asian people SSUUGHHH"

18. 18. "I wanna be a cowboy baby... I wanna be a cowboy baby"

19. "Hey, I'm lesbian" "I thought you were American"

20. "I spilled lipstick in your Valentino bag" "you spilled- whaghwhha- lipstick in my Valentino White bag?"

21. "What's better than this? Guys bein dudes"

22. "How'd you get these bumps? ya got eggzma?" "I got what?" "You got eggzma?"

23. "WHAT ARE THOSEEEEE?" "THEY are my crocs!"

24. "Can I get a waffle? Can I please get a waffle?"

25. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY RAVEN!" "I can't sweem"

26. "Say Coloradoo" "I'M A GIRAFFE!!"

27. "How much did you pay for that taco?" Aight yo you know this boys got his free tacoo"

28. *Birds chirping* "Tweekle Tweekle"

29. "Girl, you're thicker than a bowl of oatmeal"

30. "I brought you Frankincense" "Thank you" "I brought you Myrrh" "Thank you" "Mur-dur" "huh...Judas..no"

31. "Sleep? I don't know about sleep...it's summertime" "You ain't go to bed?" "Oh she caught me"

32. "All I wanna tell you is school's not important... Be whatever you wanna be. If you wanna be a dog...RUFF. You know?"33. "Oh I like ya accent where you from?" "I'm Liberian" "Oh, my bad *whispering* I like your accent..."

34. "Next Please" "Hello" "Sir, this is a mug shot" "A mug shot? I don't even drink coffee"


35. "Hey did you happen to go to class last week?" "I have never missed a class"

36. "Go ahead and introduce yourselves" "My name is Michael with a B and I've been afraid of insects my entire-" "Stop, stop, stop. Where?" "Hmm?" "Where's the B?" "There's a bee?"

37. "There's only one thing worse than a rapist...Boom" "A child" "No"

38. "Later mom. What's up me and my boys are going to see Uncle Kracker...GIVE ME MY HAT BACK JORDAN! DO YOU WANNA SEE UNCLE KRACKER OR NO?


39. "Dad look, it's the good kush." This is the dollar store, how good can it be?"

40. "Zach stop...Zach stop...You're gonna get in trouble. Zach"

41. "CHRIS! Is that a weed? "No this is a crayon-" I'm calling the police" *puts 911 into microwave* "911 what's your emergency"

42. "WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? "

43. *Blowing vape on table* * cameraman blows it away* "ADAM"

44. "Would you like the spider in your hand?" "Yea" "Say please" "Please" *puts spider in hand* *screams*

45. "Oh hi, thanks for checking in I'm still a piece of garrbaagge"

46. *girl blows vape* "...WoW"

47. *running* "...Daddy?" "Do I look like-?"

48. *Pours water onto girl's face" "Hello?"

49. "Wait oh yes wait a minute Mr. Postman" "HaaaAHH"

50. "...And they were roommates" "Mah God they were roommates"


I could literally go on forever because I just reference vines on a daily basis. Rest in peace Vine

Cover Image Credit: Vine

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'Insatiable' Reminds Fat Girls That All We'll Ever Be Is A Before Picture

Netflix stays putting out tone-deaf content.

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I know you're not supposed to judge a piece of work by a measly three-minute clip, but come on, y'all.

If you haven't heard, Netflix just released an original series starring Debby Ryan called "Insatiable"—and you only need to make it a couple seconds into the trailer until you're full on fat-shaming bullshit.

The show follows Patty Bladell, an overweight high school student who is bullied relentlessly for her weight—called "Fatty Patty" on multiple occasions in the trailer alone—until an incident that results in her mouth being wired shut for three months and being unable to eat food. Patty comes out on the other end of her hospital visit thin and beautiful and ready to live out every dream she was seemingly unable to live out when she was overweight. And herein lies the problem with this show.

First of all, I don't know why we're all ignoring the fact that she loses the weight after having her mouth wired shut. The implications of her life-changing weight loss resulting from not being able to eat food for three months is incredibly problematic.

But the bigger and more obvious theme within the show is that Patty is only able to live out her wildest fantasies once she loses the weight. She is only able to be happy and fulfilled and loved and worthy after she loses the weight. The story isn't about a triumphant girl. The story is about a triumphant skinny girl. The only option.

Because how could a fat girl love herself? How could a fat girl be happy with her life and not want to change? How could a fat girl see herself as anything other than a before picture?

A lot of people are speaking out in defense of the show, saying that it gives a real look into the issue of bullying and fat-shaming that goes on in schools and in the world at large. A lot of people are saying that as fat people or formerly fat people, they can confirm that yes, life is harder, and this show is simply telling that story.

The biggest issue with this perspective is that sure, when it's looked at through a critical lens by someone a lot older and wiser and at a more comfortable and stable place in life, maybe it makes sense—maybe. But that's not the target audience of this show and that's not who will be watching. These are young people. These are little girls. These are kids who don't have the ability to think so critically and don't have the life experience to take everything with a grain of salt.

I would like to say that I will be watching this show to give it a fair shot and encourage you to do the same. But as someone in recovery from an eating disorder who has struggled with my body image my entire life, I know that I, like many others, won't be able to watch the show without being triggered and going back into dangerous territory.

That's the reality of the power of media. That's the reality of the responsibility that media companies and content creators take on when they decide to put out a piece of work. Netflix continues to create and market content for young people without understanding the possible ramifications of the message behind the media. This is "13 Reasons Why" all over again.

We put out irresponsible content depicting suicide and then we wonder why suicide rates are rising. We put out irresponsible content depicting disordered eating and fat-shaming and then we wonder why eating disorders are starting younger and increasing in prevalence. We cry tragedy and epidemic after the fact but capitalize on it anyway.

We can do better.

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