With "Game of Thrones" yet again completely demolishing the Emmy Award nominations, and actress Emilia Clarke referring to the show’s upcoming season as “mental” (as if we’re not already there yet), it’s clear as ever that this is a show that doesn’t even have to be running to cause a stir. How do you think these ancient characters match up with our ancient universities? (Note: Ignore the fact that some of these characters are now dead. Do you realize how hard it is to find eight living, relevant people in this show?)
Brown – Arya Stark
Brown kids are known for being a little different. Their anti-mainstream, “I just see the world differently, man” approach to life follows the same tale of Arya’s story of not being a traditional Westerosi lady. In fact, the whole concept of becoming a Faceless Man—swapping identities to fit one’s purpose—seems like exactly the kind of thing that a high Brown student lying on the grass and contemplating life would come up with.
Cornell – Jamie Lannister
Cornell is often the subject of jest by some of the other Ivies. Despite being a top-notch school, there always seem to be people higher up laughing, “Well, it could be worse. You could go to Cornell." Similarly, Jamie has fought hard and strong all his life, yet the sound of the Kingslayer’s name is like the Westeros equivalent of the sound of “Bankrupt” on Wheel of Fortune. Is it because Cornell’s history has only half the lifespan of other Ivies, just as Jamie has only half the number of hands as, well, everyone else? Who knows. But, in the world of Ivies (or Westeros nobles), many of us look at him and say: “Oh. Poor guy.” At least both of them have lots of money.
Columbia – Stannis Baratheon
Stannis reminds of me a semi-crazy guy who is always preaching to you on the sidewalk about what’s wrong with the world. Like, yeah dude, you’re probably right about everything, but come on, we have no time for this nonsense. Similarly, it always seems as though Columbia gets unfairly overlooked for HYP. So, they’re a little off-beat, what with PE requirements and daughters with grayscale. And maybe they’re kind of always in your face with a new fancy study, or being a bit of a bother at the Wall with all their troops. They don’t mean harm; they’re just trying to get what they deserve.
Dartmouth – Sansa Stark
“I’m not really a fan, I just kind of feel bad for all the crap they have to put up with”—an accurate statement for both a sad Stark princess and a school in the literal middle of nowhere.
Harvard – Ned Stark
This one was actually a toss-up between Lord Eddard and “the spider,” Varys. Despite being long gone though, if you take a step back and look at the hot mess that Westeros has become, Ned Stark is at the core. It was his investigation into Jon Arryn’s death that turned into suspicion of the Baratheon children’s heritage, and well, you know the story. There’s not a single storyline that doesn’t somehow led back to Ned in some way—even in his darkest moment, revealing to Brienne of Tarth what really happened to the Mad King, Jamie Lannister utters that in all his honor, Lord Eddard Stark would have never believed the truth. Ned is always relevant, and so is Harvard. No matter which way you twist and turn it, no matter how many times Princeton or Stanford or Yale beat it out for the top spot on some rankings list, Harvard will always be Harvard.
Penn – Tyrion Lannister
With his excessive wine drinking and “work hard, play hard” attitude (most of the time, at least), the most social of the Ivies is no doubt right up the littlest Lannister’s alley. I’d actually like to propose the theory that the early season five scene of Tyrion repeatedly chugging and regurgitating wine was based off of a Penn student during Spring Fling—a weekend so notorious that it earned the school the title of #1 Party School in the country by Playboy magazine. Although, I’m not sure Tyrion would have as strong a preference for Franzia.
Princeton – Petyr Baelish
Lord Baelish is no doubt the sneakiest, most scheming man in Westeros. He’s willing to literally push anyone down the moon-door in order to climb his ladder of chaos to the top. Likewise, Princeton students are always trying to push their way up. When they’re not working, they can usually be found plotting the execution of kings and sitting with their hands folded uttering “Mwahahaha” in a deep, dark, terrifyingly Caucasian voice. (Okay, maybe not.) But still. Princeton is getting really close to pushing Harvard out of its top spot, just as Petyr is… well, I’ll let you finish the equation. He warned you not to trust him.
Yale – Daenerys Targaryen
The only people to whom Dany & Co. aren’t a magical, mythical mystery are Dany & Co. And if you’re not a Yale student, chances are your idea of the school is a magical place of old classrooms and statues and handsome men in bowties. Many people see Yale as holding the true top spot of the Ivies, just as there are still many Targaryen-ites hiding in Westeros. Maybe one day those curls will bounce Dany to the top, and the Y will reign supreme of HYP, but until then, these two entities will remain in American and Westerosi heads as mere stories.
