This morning, my great friend Andrea sent me a text that read, "One of the biggest lies the devil can tell anyone is that everyone else has it figured out except you."
I've recently realized that I'm a junior in college. I have spent my entire life at a full sprint because I could. I graduated high school when I was 16, I loaded myself up on college classes, and I have always had a plan. But now, I am 18 and will be starting my career very soon, and I don't have a plan.
I've obviously grown up a lot since I graduated high school, but I still see myself as the stupid teenage kid I've always been. Somedays I throw my hair into a bun and slap a hat on my head so I don't have to get ready. I'll watch Netflix all night. I'll eat ice cream knowing I'm lactose intolerant. I drive a little too fast. Yet, I am closer to the rest of my life than I am to my high school days, and that's a harrowing thought. I look at adults with stable jobs and mortgages and am horrified by the thought that very soon, that will be my life. Someday, I will be someone's wife. I'll be someone's mother. I'll be someone's aunt. I'll be someone's grandmother.
I went from sprinting to a dead stop. I don't know what I want. All those plans I made are rubbish. I can't see myself being the person I created in my head. I know what I love, but I don't know how to make good money doing it. I struggle with thinking I'm not intelligent enough. I have days where I think I can't amount to anything. I just feel stuck. I feel stuck when I'm used to sprinting.
But what I've learned, is no one knows how to do life. We are all the blind leading the blind into a world of both joy and destruction. We will all feel both hurt and tremendous exuberance. We will watch plans crumble. We will watch relationships crumble. We will watch ourselves crumble. The beauty is, that we will also watch plans go through. We will watch relationships thrive. We will watch ourselves rise from ashes. Mostly, we won't do it alone.
We are all so oblivious to the intricate storyline that has been so carefully weaved for every single one of us. We cannot predict our futures. We don't have the answers. We have life, we have love, and we have hope. In this world, that's all you need.
I stopped sprinting for the first time in 18 years, and I am scared. However, being still has allowed me to sit and admire the view. I don't have the answers. I can't tell you "why." What I can tell you is that it's a beautiful life, and we're all just stumbling together.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11
