I am feeling down as of late. It is strange considering it is now summer and I am back with my family and summer has finally arrived. I was so excited to be done with finals, I thought everything would fall back into place when I moved home. The truth is, it hasn't.

I have been feeling down for a few months. Again, for a long time I thought it was because I needed to be home. I am a homebody, despite my love for travel and adventure. I love to be home with my parents and my siblings and my nephews and niece. So, when I was at school laying in my dorm feeling completely defeated, I thought moving back home would be the cure.

Now, it isn't because I don't want to be home, like I've already expressed. The feeling of sadness just hasn't gone away. I am not sure why that is. That is why I am now writing about it. Trust me, I've tried to figure it out. Is it because I am so tired from school? It is because I am moving to a different country in the fall? Is it because now I am away from all of my friends?

But, maybe, it is simply because I am feeling down.

The way I was raised is to believe the notion that there is always a reason for feeling down. And, yes, a lot of the time there is. But, right now, there really isn't any reason. I have been doing everything my parents have suggested, as they are both in the medical field. I have been eating right, getting plenty of sleep, going on long walks, reading, and going to the gym everyday. I've been losing weight, but not feeling better.

I have been wondering when I started to feel down and it roots back to March. A pretty signifgant thing happedned in March. I went to Denmark. I had been planing that trip since October. My next thought was maybe I am sad because all of the anticipation from my trip is gone. I have nothing to really look forward to and plan now. The trip to Denmark kept my mind off of things that made me sad.

But, then I think, there is no way that can be it.

I am going on a family vacation to Scotland in August and then moving there for an entire year in September. If that isn't something to look forward to, I am not sure what is. I am unbelievably excited for both of my trips. I have so many things planned for both of them. I have been working endlessly to ensure both trips have everything they possible could need. I have been booking tickets and Airbnb's and learning about the history. But, even with all of these things to look forward to, I still feel the way that I do.

I can't explain it and I don't know how to describe it. I haven't felt this defeated in a long time. Mostly, I feel like every step I take is in slow motion and I can't figure out why.

I don't have an answer or an ending. I just have more questions.