"Is this normal or am I behind?" Some variation of this question was asked to my physical therapists before I walked out the door, disheartened after each session. They would pause slightly before giving me a generic answer about being patient, strength and motion would come with time. However, anyone who’s had an injury that results in altering his or her lifestyle knows that “time” expired soon after the injury occurred.
When someone suffers a major physical injury, friends and family tend to focus on the physical impacts and alterations that need to be made. Depending on the injury it can range from driving to cooking to getting dressed. What tends not to be considered are the emotional struggles that someone who has suffered an injury may be going through as well.
Whether we like to admit it or not, humans are proud. Asking for help isn’t something we like to do and humbling yourself to ask for it is difficult. When I lost the ability to complete everyday tasks, it forced me to swallow that instinctive pride and ask for help. While friends and family were eager to help, it started chipping away at my emotional well being.
This past January I tore my MCL, ACL, Lateral Meniscus and fractured my kneecap. I insisted for two hours that my parents didn’t need to drive the three hours from their home to mine. My friend Mike drove me home and while he wanted to stay and help, I forced him to leave. My other friend Stephen brought me crutches and was ready to stay and help out. I asked him to leave as well. After I was alone and could assess my surroundings better, I changed my tune. I realized there was no possible way for me to walk my dog. I couldn’t carry anything or get up the stairs because my knee wouldn’t bend or bare any weight. I had to have my roommates go grocery shopping for me, my parents took my dog and co-workers had to carry my computer, water or food anywhere I needed to go. As an independent person, this was one of the hardest things for me to accept.
Asking for help isn’t the only way that people can be affected emotionally after a major injury. It’s well known that how we perceive ourselves physically has a mental and emotional consequence. Physical appearance can deteriorate, not just from lack of use due to a changed and many times limited lifestyle, but also because the worn emotional state one can be left in.
Friends and family, our support system in its entirety, likes to use the phrases "give it time" or "be patient," but the best thing I found was having someone who would listen. Having someone around who didn’t tell me, "no," but let me push myself to the limits when I told myself no. The best thing you can do for someone as they go through this uncertain and frustrating time is to listen without giving advice. Go on adventures with them so you can be there if or when they ask for help, but don’t offer it. Help them see they can keep living their life to the fullest extent, just at a slower pace.
