Lately, I have had to take a class on how to deal with my consumer's behaviors in a way that will increase the quality of life for everyone who lives and works there. One of our biggest lessons is to listen more and to talk less. Well with anything in life you begin to apply it in all aspects. The more I've been watching I've noticed something. It seems to me every time I try and open up to someone, they always have a story that can "top" mine in a way.

If I tell about my family, past relationships, just anything that could have been bad, or something I'm having a hard time with, the person I am talking to finds a way to make it about themselves. It's always "well that's nothing compared too..." or "if you think that's bad..."

This may be just a rant, but honestly, it's more of a PSA for all of you one uppers out there.

It is NOT about you. When someone is talking to you about something that is happening in their life, it's not for you to compare it to something that happened to you, it is not for you to fix, and it is not a competition to see who has had to worst thing happen to them lately.

I understand what you are trying to do. You're trying to relate, to let that person understand that they are not in it alone, that it happens to other people; not just themselves. But that's not what your friend hears. They hear "well you shouldn't be complaining because people have it a lot harder than you and you should feel blessed with what you do have." It makes your friend want to shut down and close off communication with you. Why should they talk? Why should they open up? Maybe what they are feeling is dumb and it is stupid because, yeah a lot of other people have it a whole lot worse, so maybe we should stop complaining and just learn to deal with it.

This is important people. This maybe one of the most important lessons you can learn.

Let someone talk; let someone tell you how they feel without telling them that you have been wronged even more so. It always baffles me how someone who claims to have been through the same thing as you, doesn't understand the importance of just listening. That person is WELL AWARE other people have problems, and issues. That person is not devoid of all thinking that someone else has had a failed engagement or a bad relationship with their mom. That's probably why it took them so long to say something, to begin with. It's probably why they get really quite when you take over the conversation and somehow flip flop it onto yourself.

Every single person handles situations differently, every single person sees things in a way that you yourself have probably never even thought to see. Every person deserves to have someone listen, with the intent of understanding, not to answer. Let me say that one more time, just in case anyone in the back didn't hear me. LISTEN. NOT TO ANSWER, BUT TO UNDERSTAND. Most of the time you don't have to say anything at all, most of the time you can just say "that really sucks."

That, my lovely readers, is called empathy. The ability to understand and share the feelings of another. To just sit there with someone, without interrupting or adding, to just let someone get it out. It's a verbal detox for the person, and at the end, they can look at you and thank the lord you just listened. They can finally say hey, someone supported me, someone cares that I have been having a hard time and they can just let me talk.

The world needs more people who are more ready to listen than to talk. Maybe we all have become so self-obsessed if anyone even mentions one of our triggers we have no choice but to begin our long saga of heartbreak and hardship. But, I'm begging you; listen. You will learn so much more, gain a broader perspective, and maybe even strengthen the bonds you do have with friends, significant others, and your family.

So please, listen.