For as long as I can remember, I've allowed myself to succumb to the overwhelming mess of life, leading me into a deep depression that sometimes lasted for months. Those who have depression or any mental illness understand that they can take up most of your life as if the illness has taken over the steering wheel and you're headed down a very dark tunnel.

Sure, you go to therapy and take your meds, but doesn't that mean it's still taking up a chunk of your life? Just learning how to deal with depression has taken me years to figure out, and I still wouldn't say I've mastered the art of "getting over it."

There have been moments where I've had self-realizations, or "light bulb" moments, where I say to myself that "the thing I'm sad about won't last forever, I shouldn't worry so much over that, maybe I'm jumping to conclusions," and I'll actually believe myself. Granted, other people have been preaching those same phrases to me for years, but everyone knows that that doesn't mean shit unless you truly believe it for yourself. I've been having more and more of these self-realizations, in the midst of pity parties, no less, but all the same.

The worries that plague me the most, I've noticed, are usually things I cannot change or have no control over. The only thing I have control over, of course, is how I handle my emotions. I also noticed that I tend to look too far ahead, making me paranoid and sad about a future I have yet to experience. Taking time for myself to think (not overthink) is therapeutic. Sometimes you need to put things into perspective.

So, I've decided to let myself be happy more often and to stop looking at things so bleakly. I want to look towards the future and understand that I have talent and promise that can get me somewhere. And I can only do all of these things if I practice what I preach.

If you are in the same boat, take it from me, it is not easy at all. the first thing you have to admit to yourself is that you are holding yourself back. Once you realize that you are your greatest enemy, your final boss battle will begin. This battle may take years, hell, maybe the rest of your life, but understand that you are fighting for yourself and your happiness, and you deserve to win that fight.