"Well, what were you wearing?" "You shouldn't have drank that much." "Boys can't be raped." "At least she was pretty." "It's not rape if you're dating the person."
These are some of the most common phrases that rape victims are told when, or if, they have come forward about being raped. And when I see that these are the types of things that cross a person's mind when they've been told this devastating information, I wonder why. Why in the hell has society allowed the concept of rape and the belief of these phrases to be normalized? It is so frustrating, especially as a woman, to hear people make comments to victims of rape in a very ignorant degree. Our society has normalized blaming the victim rather than blaming the attacker and it is not okay.
Stop assuming that an outfit of what a person was wearing the moment of the crime gives consent. A shirt that is cut a bit low and a pair of black leggings does not tell someone, "yes, I want to have sex." In fact, most victims of rape described their outfits as everyday wear or even lounge wear such as sweatpants and a sweatshirt. However, that does not matter. Even if someone is standing there completely bare naked from head to toe, if they say no then that's the end of it. Consent is given verbally, and the minute we deem consent from a single outfit is the day we are normalizing the concept of rape and it is not okay.
Stop assuming that the five shots of vodka and three cans of beer someone drank gave any consent. The minute a person surpasses a limit of drinking where they are unable to give consent, even if they don't say no, it is a no. The person has not given a verbal yes. It is not someone's fault if they "drank too much". A person who reaches that limit is not doing it out of hopes that they will get dragged into a dark room without their knowledge, stripped of their clothes, and forced to do what they are incapable of saying no to. No one asks to be raped.
Stop assuming that men can't be raped. There is absolutely no gender gap when it comes to rape. Women are not the only victims and it's so upsetting that most cases from men do not get reported because of this social construct. As a society, we need to stop putting a gap between what gender can and can't be victims of. Yes, it is said that there is a higher amount of females who are victims of rape and that the male percentage is smaller. However, the number for men could easily be so much larger, it's just the fact that more than half don't report the incident. We need to stop lessening the trauma of incidents like rape on men just because they are men. It's just as much of a big deal as a woman getting raped.
Stop assuming that rape is okay if the rapist was 'pretty' or even 'hot'. Where in someone's damn right mind do they think rape is okay if the rapist was attractive? There is not one attractive thing about a person who does such an ugly wrongdoing to an innocent soul. It's absolutely disgusting to see that people find this mindset to be normal. There is nothing normal about justifying rape based on looks. Rape is not a justifiable act; it is an injustice to any person that falls victim to it.
Stop assuming that it's not rape if the victim was dating their attacker. Even if someone is in a relationship with another person, there is still a need for consent. Consent is not only given once, it is given every time sexual activity occurs. And if a person does not want to do something at certain points with their boyfriend or girlfriend, then they are not giving consent. It does not matter how long they have been with the person, no means no. Point, blank, period.
As a society, we need to end these social constructs and end rape culture altogether. It's time to stop having this ignorant mindset and ignoring the problem. No one asks to be raped and with that, we need to stop blaming the victim.