You flip on the news and see Brock Turner's face plastered across the screen. You watch The Hunting Ground and hear the stories of rape on campus. You see the extremities that come with these stories and feel empathy for the victims of rape cases. But then, it happens to you on a minimal scale. You feel guilty for thinking it's even remotely close to the stories you see in the media, because it's not quite how it went down. You weren't thrown across the room, you don't have bruises and you didn't even have sex. But does it have to go that far to be considered rape? I don't think so.
It was a typical evening. Two girls go out to a mutual friend's apartment. The night is innocent and intentions are well. One thing leads to another and alcohol is consumed. Before everyone can make sense of things, one of the girls is left alone with a stranger. The stranger can be a familiar face or someone in your class, but if you don't know them, they're a stranger.
The moment you feel uncomfortable is the moment something is wrong. People think these situations are avoidable, and I agree, but sometimes you fall into the situation without the realization that you're stuck. You end up in a public place, alone with the stranger, with no one around. So, what do you do? Scream? Run away? There's no way you can do this without making a scene. You're stuck between the arms of a drunken stranger who thinks you're on the same page, but your sober mind is screaming inside. There is no out. You are stuck.
So, where do you go from here? You have to let the stranger get what they want, in the slightest bit, to let you go. After a pathetic attempt of a kiss, the stranger loosens up and you plan your escape. You go to the bathroom, slip out the door and make it out. But now, you're a young girl (or boy, for that matter) alone on the street late at night. You can't win.
The next week, you go to class and he's sitting there. You don't even know if he remembers. He doesn't even recognize you. He violated your privacy, self-pride and respect, and he doesn't even remember it. You feel like a piece of your pride was stolen from your hands and stomped on.
Being a young woman in college is hard. Many people are quick to assume we have control of our fate. And, I think in some cases, we are optimistic and unintentionally fall into situations where our control is taken from us. We assume that no one, even someone from college who should understand, will hurt us. But, they do. It's not ignorance, it's being a moral human being and looking for the good in situations. And when someone holds you captive, away from the public, with force, you can't get away without it becoming something more than it is.
But I think right there is the problem. I think that since society is so quick to blame victims, we become scared to even point a figure in the direction of the word "rape." It is assumed that it is our fault. But, no. It's not your fault that a drunken jerk is in the mood to have sex and wants to kiss you because you're there. It's not your fault that you fell into the situation of being alone with him. None of this is your fault.
The point of this article is to tell people, especially young women, that it's okay to ask for help. It's okay to scream in a bar for help. It's okay to tell an asshole to get off you. It's okay to stand up for yourself even if it makes a scene. It doesn't have to be a homerun to not be okay. It can be anything that makes you sexually uncomfortable. If this happens to you, act. Defend yourself and don't care about what anyone says because at the end of the day it's you who feels the repercussions of this situation. No one else.
