I remember the last week of high school very vividly. Almost my whole graduating class did all these bonding activities where we swore we would be friends forever. We all gave speeches in our religion class where we thanked our friends for standing by us through all our hardships, and told our stories that people may not have known about us. We attended an end of the year picnic gathering where the whole school said goodbye to us, and we swore we would all stay in contact forever! Woo! At the time, it all seemed very cute and genuine. We were a small class of only 128 who had gone through a lot together, and it was really easy to be convinced that we would love each other and all be friends forever.
Now, at almost 20 years old, I look back at those times fondly, but also laugh at my past self. Sure, I had a big group of friends that I went to school games and dances with, and had lots of happy memories outside of school, who I cared about and loved deeply. But I also look back and realize if I'm honest with myself, I wasn't happy with who I was. I was happy with being what I thought I should be. And that's a really dangerous place to stay in.
Today, I only consistently talk to two out of the hoard of the people I swore would be my friends for life my senior year. Every now and again I catch up with someone I used to be close with, but as far as having a friend who is a legitimate, consistent part of my life, I only have two.
Until this year, I used to dread going home from college for break. I would look at the Snapchat stories and Instagram pictures of my friends from college hanging out with their big groups of friends from high school, going to parties and having sleepovers. I had a jealousy and an eerie longing for a life that I never truly enjoyed, even when it was mine.
Recently, I have realized that I'm OK with the two friends I have from high school. They have grown with me, matured with me, and accepted me when I finally figured out who I really was. I have friends at college now who I share much more genuine friendships with than what I ever had in high school, and I couldn't be more grateful for the people I am surrounded by.
So to those who have tons of friends from high school, I'm happy for you. I am in awe of your ability to maintain connections through the distance and the changes, and I used to be quite jealous of you.
And to those who only have one, two, or a few friends from high school, that's OK, too. It's enough for me.
