Why should I make others comfortable before me?

I deserve to be comfortable, right? I deserve to be happy and content in my life. I am not the best writer in the world and I have my own flaws that sometimes stick out more than normal. I didn’t have a special connection with a teacher as much as I wish I did. I was not the cool kid in high school. I lived up to these expectations of other people, even to my own best friend. I followed these things because I was expected to. So I lost my “black card” because I showed up early to events. I was early not because I’m too white but because I was raised to be on time. For much of my life I have battled this image of perfection in others eyes and because of it I mentally break down in my own time. I am beyond stressed over everything. Stressed with my life, school, sexuality, and much more. I always get that question, what are you stressed about? I can never physically answer the question because I don’t know how to tell them that I’m stressed over being me. I’m stressed about being Akira. I’m stressed with all of these so-called personality traits I have. I can be lazy and forgetful, but that doesn’t make me a lazy person, or a person who has a thousand excuses.

There are not many things that make me happy anymore. I mean I can’t even remember the last time I was happy. All I know that I love photography, music and art. I love the idea of how something so simple can be pretty. I’m the type of person to refuses to have my first job be something I hate entirely just to bring in money. I rather get a job as something I enjoy. Like working for a photography company as an assistant or something; to be surrounded by what I love. Is that so hard to ask for?

I hate school. I hate everything about it, but it’s either that or stuck with a job I hate for the rest of life. I can’t act like I have all the answers because I don’t. Like you I am learning.

Let me tell you what I do know. I know that being you is super hard. Like majorly hard, especially when you live in a world that is more judgmental than caring. I know that I don’t have the right to tell people how to live their life. I mean seriously who am I to tell you what you can and can’t do? I know that I have a hard time deleting people out of my life cause I would rather either be nosy or live vicariously through them. I know that I am not a great writer, but that is okay because I have a lot to say. Lastly, I know that you can’t live for other people. If you like Troye Sivan and everyone else like Drake. Nothing is wrong with that.

It’s time to stop being everyone else and be you; there is always one of them. It’s time to be one of you.