I don't know what you were trying to accomplish by not being present in my life. You may have just not cared or you were too busy with other priorities but I know now that I should have been your main priority. I know that no matter what I did to get your attention, if it was acting out or joining your favorite sport, you still wouldn't have noticed. But it is okay.

It's okay that you never showed up to an important event of mine. You lost the memories I share with others. It's okay when I called you to share important news, I could sense the boredom and the irrelevance in your voice. Someone else listened. It's okay when I watched you with others and the love for them radiated off of you, but with me, it was not the same. I share that connection with many others. It's okay you were never involved enough to know when I was dating someone or who I liked, and you did not seem to care much about it either. The only way you would find out was through other people and even then you wouldn't really ask me about it. It's okay that you were not there when my heart was broken and you didn't help me mend it back together. I was able to do it by myself. It's okay when you asked you how I was you only knew the bare minimum and only used me as bragging rights. It's okay you placed me in the middle of your relationships as leverage. It's okay that when I went to you for advice you told me to figure it out on my own, when in reality I was just wishing you would talk to me. It's okay you have done these things because I still love you and always will.

You are the ghost in my life that I could never really see but I always knew was haunting me, making me need to seek you out. And when I did I figured out you will always be that ghost. Although the memories of you were filled with others, in the back of my mind I know you are the one supposed to be there.

I am okay because I have received love from others to make up the emptiness of you. I know that when I see you now I look in your eyes and I see the void that is there. The empty space you have because deep down you know you missed out on our relationship. I look around me and see those who took your place, their faces show the happiness and love that should be on yours. The time you had has gone. You will not be able to make me smile like others have or laugh as others have. You will not be able to teach me how to properly live my life or hold me when I cry because others already have. Most importantly you will never be able to love me as so many already do.

I'm sure my heart will always ache for the spot that still desperately wants you to be present and make up for lost time. I was never able to fully get your attention, even though you always had mine. But it is okay.