Parents have often romanticized “finding the right one,” saying how they are the one you will love for the rest of your life and grow old with. They will tell you tales of how they met and what it was like for them, and your grandparents will do the same. What they don’t tell you though, is how hard it really is to be in a lasting, committed relationship. They refrain from sharing the fights, the sleepless nights, the tears and the insecurities because that’s not what they want you to see or know. They want you to have love like in fairy-tales, love that does not hurt. Sure, they tell you it will be hard, but they don’t prepare you for how to handle it.
I’ve been in my relationship for almost seven years. I cannot tell you the number of times I have been told he and I are the perfect couple, how sweet we look together or how often I am asked for relationship advice. They don’t see the arguments, the pain, the happiness, the fun and the truth behind being in our relationship. We did not get to seven years by being perfect. We got there by working at it and growing together.
Too often, I see young adults get into a relationship and fall madly in love with their significant other. Then, they are not willing to stick it out through the tears and the anger that comes with learning to be a couple; they are not willing to reconcile their individuality to work with their togetherness. They can barely handle their small fights, imagine their large ones. They don’t last as long as they could have.
Couples fight. They fight over big and little things. The importance is to keep those fights between yourselves, and don’t expect one to take all the blame. There is a reason we are fighting, and there is a reason we talk it out. Sometimes, we have to walk away until we calm down. We are not perfect at this. We are young and still learning what it means to be together. Parents always want what is best for their children, and I understand their concern when they see their baby hurting and fighting for their hearts. However, don’t assume that because we are fighting, we are not okay. The same goes to anyone that is not part of that relationship. Friends, family, or strangers. We are a couple and while not all arguments will be solved, we are trying every day.
I’m not saying every relationship needs to keep working through these fights. Everyone has their breaking point. There are some things you will not compromise with and you either work through that or you have to make the decision to call it quits. If you decide to call it quits, think about what you are arguing about. Is it really as important as the argument makes it seem?
My relationship is not perfect, like any relationship in life. A couple is constantly learning to be themselves while being together. Our fighting is not the end of the world, because we can talk through it and be stronger. Any couple will have these ups and downs and will come to trials that will test their bonds: like kids, a new house, a pet and more. Work together, don’t expect perfection and don’t let others expect perfection from you. It is not perfect, and that’s ok.
