Picture this, you see a stranger on the side of the road and you can tell the person is in need of medical attention. They are lying on the ground curled up in a ball and you can see them crying out for help. What do you do? Obviously, you roll down your window and scream at them, "Get over it! It's all in your head!", right? Why is it when it comes to physical illnesses we are so easy to help others? Now take that same reply and imagine saying that about your friend who you know suffers from an "invisible illness" like PTSD, Depression, Anxiety or Bipolar disorder. Would you be willing to help them when they were in crisis? Chances are, you would utter phrases to them like, "It gets better," or "Maybe you should get out more." with all good intentions. However, the reality of things is, those words are said to so many suffers like me each day that they become almost mocking or passive.
A majority of my life, I have admittedly taken forms of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication. The stigma I have received just based off of me openly admitting to taking a pill is ridiculous. One of the largest "complaints" of people I discuss anxiety/depression with or the most asked question is "Why do you need it?" The simple answer is, I have a chemical imbalance in my brain. In order to function in life properly, I need the chemical added back into my brain. I feel like it is closely related to how sufferers of heart disease or diabetes need their medication in order to keep living. Whether we talk about it or not, people are dying daily from depression. Having depression is a daily struggle for me. I wake up sad and most nights I go to sleep just as sad. Some days are better than others, but, most days are best described in one word, "Meh." My medication is my life line on my worst days. No, it does not heal me and I do not ever feel sad, I do. It just makes coping with life easier.
Another statement I often hear in relation to my medication is, "Have you taken your 'crazy pill' today?" in reference to me experiencing any emotion other than happiness. This thoroughly makes me angry. As a human being, I have this basic right to do this new thing called, "Feel emotions." Just because I take a pill to not make me as gloomy and hate myself, does not mean that I am going to be comparable to Data from Star Trek. I have the capacity and the right to feel angry, to cry, and to be so happy. Don't you dare make it seem like just because I might have to take a pill to feel a little better about myself make you think for a second that I am somehow less than you are? Calling my medication a "crazy pill" is just as stupid as me calling your insulin a "sugar shot" because that isn't what it is at all!
"Why do you sleep so much?" On my worst days like I said before, waking up for me can be hell. While I am asleep, I am often happy. I wake up and realize where I am and I instantly feel dread. Knowing I have to wake up and continue with life even when I want to roll back over and go to bed drains me. I physically am exhausted by the end of the day because it requires so much mental energy to just walk to my classes. It isn't a matter of not knowing how to cope with life because I can cope quite well actually. Everyone has bad days and it just turns out my bad days are lower than most.
It really bothers me that I receive so much backlash from having an "invisible" illness like depression. I just cannot fathom why people feel that it is OK to treat anyone who suffers from things like this feel like it is OK to define my bad days by others good days. "You could have it worse," they say. Yes, you are right, I could indeed have it worse, but why am I not allowed to just be sad? I know people all around the world do have it worse and I can see that. But, just because I have one bad day does not mean that I will forever be having a bad day and I am ungrateful for the good days I have.
I can totally function properly in the "real word" and I can hold some responsibility. I just periodically get overwhelmed with life and I have to take a break. If I withdraw from my friends and family, I just want some time alone. No, this does not make me antisocial. I can choose when I want to be with people and when I do not. I take medication to help aid in giving my motivation to keep going or help me sleep at night so my mind can stop moving at a quick rate. It calms me down and I can finally sleep. Taking medication does not mean I am "crazy" or anything like that, it just means I am in need of a little help. Don't condemn me for asking for help and question the legitimacy of my health when I stop taking my medicine or I have to switch it up.
