We have all lost someone in our life by the time we are in college. For some it has happened earlier than that. But for me I did not lose someone who greatly impacted my life until my sophomore year in college. But no matter how old you are, how old they where, it is still something that is immensely heart breaking and sole crushing. For the first time I saw my father cry, I saw my grandfather cry. And then there was me, unable to cry, unsure what to say and how to feel. I wanted to be strong for my father. I wanted him to know that I was okay. He could lean on me.
I sat through the viewing with out a tear in my eye, I was able to go through the service with out letting a tear break down my cheek. But when we left the church and they loaded her body into the hearse, I realized that this is it, this is the last time I will be in her presence. I broke down. My heart felt true heart break. I lost my first true love. I lost a person who showed me unconditional love. I lost a love that no one can replace.
A year has come and gone with out you. I miss you everyday but I have learned so much in that year. I hope that if you can hear me up there I want you to know I couple of things.
- There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about you.
- I wish that I had one more chance to say I love you and hear you say it back.
- I am at peace knowing that you are with God.
- It does not hurt as bad as it did yesterday or the day before that.
- When I think of you now I think about all the memories that we created. The lessons you taught me and the look of pride in your eyes. I remember you and not just the pain of losing you.
- I hope that I have made you proud. I hope that you are looking down at this very moment and can not believe the person I am becoming
- Losing you was hard but it gave me strength. I gained the strength to wake up every morning and keep going knowing that's what you would have wanted.
- I have learned to love with out fear for life is too short to not be fearless with your love.
You are not here anymore and you have not been for a year and just look at all of the things you have taught me. Thank you.
I love You.
