Now before you start reading this thinking how I’m going to gloat about myself and my life ("OMG Mary you moved to California! You’re in LA? You’re so lucky!" — I am blessed for that), but this isn’t about that type of thinking. I believe that positivity is important and trying to make yourself the best person you can be.
When I came into college, I was still learning to care less about little things I couldn’t control or people’s opinions and I was much better at it then I was coming into high school. However, when it came time to meet new people and basically have to start my life over, it freaked me out. I automatically resumed to my normal ways of trying to judge how everyone was, who I could get along with, etc. I tried acting like someone that I wasn’t because it was perceived to be “cool” in college and most people acted the same way, so I should go along. Monkey see, monkey do.
I must admit I met really cool people during the first semester but I realized that I wasn’t showing them who I really was. Long story short, all of that acting and thinking drove me out of my mind. When winter break hit and I could finally go back to my home in D.C. and see people who actually knew me, I made a vow for myself: to live for myself and be genuine.
It’s harder than you think. It’s not to say that I don’t like the things or people that I interacted with, but I just knew I wasn’t like them and trying to prove myself to fit in with them was draining. I’ve distanced myself from some and have been brought closer to others and that’s OK.
Everyone says that college is a time to “find yourself,” and I can say that I have started to find who I really am. I was tired of pretending throughout high school and the first semester of college and wanted to make myself better and be real with people. After all, I said how much I disliked those who were blatantly being fake to others.
Instead of trying to party all the time, I would stay in or go out in LA. I had to focus more on school to get my grades up. I wanted to be around others who made me comfortable and happy. That being said, for those who I didn’t get along with as well, I wanted to be respectful of them because different doesn’t mean bad.
It wasn’t doing myself any good to think badly of others and it would throw me back in a cycle of being negative all the time. Besides, you never know what people may be going through so you might as well act nice to them to brighten their day.
If I was in a place where I was going to grow, I wanted to grow well. Instead of waking up and moaning about how life was hard and how I hated X, Y or Z, I wanted to learn to wake up to make my days good. I wanted to have an open mind about my day and others because there still is a lot of good in the world.
I know this process sounds cheesy, but it’s relieved me from considerable stress that effected me way more in the past. This isn’t to say that I don’t worry and have my moments of judgment and b****ing, but I was actively trying to be better which I didn’t do in the past.
It's hard to give less damns but it’s worth it. I don’t want to wallow in self pity and negativity. Trying to be happy about life isn’t cheesy and moving forward can lead to great things. This is your life and you should live it how you want to and let no one try and bring you down for acting painfully like yourself. Be selfish, love yourself, treat others well, think with an open mind and try and enjoy life!
Cheers!
