As woman who has personally been a victim of sexual harassment and sexual assault, I am fearful. In recent months, the news and media have been filled with clips of statements that have been made that are extremely triggering and difficult to hear. Statements that have always been upsetting but given my recent experience now make me feel sick to my stomach and drag me down a rabbit hole where I constantly relive my own situation. The fear I feel stems from knowing that far too often, victims are too afraid to come forward and that does not appear to be changing anytime soon.

I was blessed to have someone I felt comfortable with to confide in. Someone who cared so immensely about me and my well-being that she offered to help me do whatever I needed to remove myself from the toxic situation I was in. She gave me the reality check that I so desperately needed; I had been justifying the man’s actions, blaming myself and belittling the situation as a whole. She sat with me and told me that it wasn’t my fault, that I didn’t ask for this nor did I do something to deserve what happened. She was the first person to encourage me to stand up for myself. Someone who told me that it was okay to not be okay right now. I was blessed to have been able to open up to her and see the reality of my situation and feel safe in knowing that regardless of the outcome, someone had my back.

I have been fortunate to have a support system that I can trust and confide in to help me overcome the nightmare I experienced. I am blessed because there are people in my life who are helping me find the strength to persevere and progress in a positive direction. I feel incredibly lucky to have people who constantly remind me that this incident does not define me. I am grateful to have spent the past four and a half years understanding victimization through my field of study and having professors and classmates who are determined to change the narrative surrounding sexual harassment and sexual assault.

Still, I struggle frequently to understand how come this happened to me and to countless others. Still, I feel shame and embarrassment despite knowing that it is not my fault. Still, I think about people asking what I was wearing when it happened, as if my clothes provoked the assault. Still, I am too afraid to face the man who turned my life on its side. Still, I feel as though I am now damaged. Still, I worry I am now unlovable. Still, I feel guilty. I have been so lucky to have the support that I do and yet, I am still struggling immensely. I can only imagine how difficult it is for people without that support.

We cannot continue this pattern of fear. A victim should never be afraid to come forward. A victim should never be afraid to stand up for himself or herself. A victim should never feel like what happened to them was their fault. A victim should never be told that they were asking for it. A victim should never be told their clothing provoked the incident. A victim should never be ashamed of what happened to them. A victim should never fear retaliation. A victim should never feel that they need to sweep what happened to them under the rug. A victim should never worry about what others will think. But too often, we as victims do.

We need to create a world where people are comfortable. We need to create a world where people feel safe and respected; a world where we support one another, regardless of differences.

I pray that victims find the strength and courage to stand up for themselves, to come forward, to share their stories and to seek help. I pray that as a community, we come together and create a safe space where we are no longer bystanders but rather, active opponents to sexual harassment. I pray that we stop normalizing comments that make others feel objectified. I pray that we become a world where we do not criminalize the victim but rather, come together to support them. After all, we are not victims forever- we are survivors. Remember that.

Coming forward following an incident is not easy. In fact, it is often terrifying; I can attest to that. Coming forward is not attention seeking or selfish. Realistically, no one wants attention because they were violated. No one wants to have to say that they are a victim. There is strength in coming forward though. It takes nerve. It requires faith. It is brave. It is courageous. It is respectable.

I hope that soon, we change the narrative surrounding sexual assault and sexual harassment. Victims are humans too; treat them with the respect and dignity that was not afforded to them previously. They deserve it. Do not add to their pain. It is up to us to start a dialogue and create change. It is up to us to help people realize they are not victims but rather, survivors. It is up to us, so step up.