It Is Not Always Your Boyfriend's Fault

It Is Not Always Your Boyfriend's Fault

Learn to accept that you may have made the mistake in your relationship
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I think that one thing many people get wrong in relationships is constantly blaming their partner for issues within the relationship.

“It is my boyfriend’s fault! He is causing us to have all these problems!”

What I have come to learn through my personal experience is that this ideology is fundamentally invalid at its core. A relationship is in it of itself is a partnership. This partnership lasts due to integrating contributions made by both people. To think that problems resulting from your relationship are solely due to the contributions made my only one partner is not exactly logical.

With that said, I write this to encourage those who are in relationships to constantly self-reflect on their actions towards their partner. By self-reflecting on how you are treating your partner, you will be able to understand the different areas in the relationship that maybe you need to improve on. It may be that you need to practice being more understanding or more sensitive or even more assertive in certain situations. Along with that though, a huge part of improving on yourself is also involving your partner in this process.

Communicating with your partner on things that they feel you neglect in your relationship is key in really knowing the things that you can improve on. I think that if you are in a relationship with someone and you two are having this type of discussion, it is important to be open and honest with them, while also being kind and compassionate. In a relationship, there are very intense and deep feelings involved between the two people. Thus, talking about things that both people can improve on can often be a very awkward and uncomfortable to discuss. The hardest step is simply starting that dialogue, however, once you do it is important that you are honest with how you feel.

Further, when you are being honest with your partner, it is important to realize that some of the things that you are saying to them may be hard for them to hear. Thus, it is critical that if you are the one that is giving out the suggestions, you keep in mind the feelings of your partner. Keeping in mind not only what you are saying, but also how you are saying it will ensure that your partner receives your feedback in a more positive way.

On a different note, if you are the person receiving the feedback, it is critical to not be defensive. It is hard for most people to hear that something that they thought they were doing a good job at is actually something that they still have room to improve in, especially when we are talking about within a relationship. Thus, most people’s instinct is to defend what they have been doing and not to open themselves up to criticism. However, the whole purpose of this dialogue between you and your partner is to help improve each other’s behavior and being defensive will not help in achieving that goal. Listen to what your partner is telling you and really think about what you can do to improve in those things.

I would like to end on the following ideology. By having these types of conversations between you and your partner, you are not somehow indicating that you have a bad relationship or that you or your boyfriend are bad partners. In fact, being able to have these conversations with your partner and being able to actually grow with them really exemplifies the true strength of your relationship.

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To The Boy Who Made Me Love Again

Thank you for loving me and showing me how to love myself.

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To the boy who made me love again:

From the very beginning of our relationship, you showed me you were different. You showed me how I should be treated.

After dating someone for three years, falling in love was the last thing I wanted to do again. I did not want to grow close to anyone and fall in love with every little aspect of someone, but with you, it was so much different. You were different from other guys I had talked to. You have done small things for me that make me so happy. From offering to order me pizzas while I'm working to ordering me a key chain that says "drive safe," it's the little things you've done to make me love you.

During my previous relationship, I had come to a custom of pulling out my card to pay for dates and thought it was okay to accept the fact that good morning text did not exist. Every morning since we started dating, you never forget to text me good morning. We almost fight over who is going to pay, because I can't expect you to pay for every date. You have shown me what to expect in a relationship.

You never fail to make me happy. Whenever I say I'm hungry, you get me Mexican. When I want to watch Netflix, you immediately put on The Office. I can mention one thing I want and you buy it because you know it will make me happy. You give me forehead kisses and it puts a smile on my face. Whenever I am upset, you won't get off the phone until you figure out what is wrong and make sure everything is okay.

You make me feel beautiful. I can come over in leggings and socks and Birkenstocks or I can come over in a nice shirt and booties, but either way, you tell me I'm beautiful. Whenever I just wake up and look a hot mess, you look me in my eyes and tell me I'm beautiful.

You always tell me to be careful whenever I'm driving and you make sure to tell me you love me every night before you go to bed. You remind me of things I know I'll forget and you literally read my mind. You motivate me with my schooling and tell me how proud you are of me when I make a good grade.

I never wanted to date again and I especially did not want to fall in love; however, you are everything I dreamed of wanting. I am so blessed to have met you and fallen in love with you. So to the boy who made me want to love again, I love you and thank you for everything.

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36 Hobbies To Take Up If You Want To Be The Next Best 20-Something Grandma

Pursuing something with needle and thread is a good start

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Need a new hobby? Want to emulate a grandmother? Here are some great ideas for fun things to do in your spare time to get you ready to be the best grandma in 40-50 years!

1. Knitting

2. Baking

This hobby will also come with many friends wanting to try your creations.

3. Crocheting

4. Sudoku 

You gotta keep the mind healthy.

5. Crosswords

6. Cooking

7. Thrifting

Goodwill is your go-to for fabulous finds that won't break the bank.

8. Join a book club

Whether or not you actually read the book, either way it's a good way to socialize.

9. Yard Sale-ing

Don't tell me you didn't go yard sale-ing with your grandma at least once in your childhood.

10. Napping

11. Brunching

Food and friends (and a mimosa)... what's not to love about this hobby?

12. Spades

13. Hearts

14. Gardening

Figure out if you have a green thumb earlier rather than later.

15. Sewing

Being able to fix (or even make) your own clothes seems like both a creative outlet and a practical skill.

16. Antiquing

17. Cross-Stitching

Make some wall decorations for your room!

18. Power-walking

Why normal walk when you could speed walk?

19. Reading at 64-font on your Kindle

20. Read the newspaper

There's just something peaceful and nostalgic about reading a physical newspaper...

21. Collecting

Coins, dolls, you name it.... someone probably collects it.

22. Quilting

23. Rummy

24. Giving wise advice to those younger than you

25. Get a magazine subscription

26. Write hand-written letters to friends

It's fun and there is something so meaningful about taking the time to write it out and mail it.

27. Bridge

28. Curate a bomb matching pajama collection

29. Scrapbooking

Take your memories and add a creative touch... you won't regret it.

30. Tai Chi

I'm not a regular grandma, I'm a cool grandma...

31. Flower-arranging

32. Photography

Capture the moments of the loved ones around you!

33. Plan girls' trips with friends

34. Volunteer

Find time to give back to causes that you are passionate about!

35. Watch game shows

36. Watch soap operas

All the plot points and characters may be cringy, but they are so addicting!

Consider some of these hobbies if you find yourself looking for something to fill your time. When grandma-hood comes around, you'll be ready for it. And if you already do a lot of these things, well then we might as well go ahead and affectionately call you a 20-something grandma!

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