When I was growing up, God was not a part of my everyday life. I went to a public school and went to church on rare occasions such as Easter or Christmas because that was what you were supposed to do. I never listened to the sermons, nor did I practice many Christian values outside of church. Yet I still considered myself a Christian because, again, that’s what you were supposed to do. I certainly never talked to God, and I sometimes questioned if He was there at all. It wasn’t until college that an important part of my world changed for the better.
During my freshman year of college, I was what seemed like the farthest from God I had ever been. I had been struggling with self-doubt, and I was feeling lost among a new curriculum, family structure, dorm room, and an overwhelming sense of hopelessness. I was looking for solutions to my troubles that only seemed to result in myself falling deeper and deeper into this rut. Not once did I consider the Lord, until one particularly rough night.
I had been struggling with feelings of sadness that just weren’t lifting. I tossed and turned until I felt a very new urge to talk to God. I hadn’t thought of Him in a long time. I began by telling Him that I wanted a break from the sadness I was feeling, and then I poured my heart out to Him, telling Him of every trouble I had been carrying with me until a steady stream of tears fell down my face.
After our conversation, I fell into the best sleep I’d had in what I hadn’t realized was a long time. Nothing changed the next few days, but I felt stronger -- empowered even. I continued my talks with the Lord, but now I began to thank Him for exactly what I’d asked for, a break in my hopelessness.
One chilly, sunny Tuesday morning the next week, I was feeling discouraged. I’d had words with a family member that left me feeling lonely, and an ache for home in my chest. I considered skipping my next class, an observation period in a fourth grade classroom. I pushed my body against the heavy double doors of my university, but instead of heading back to my dorm room, I felt an almost magnetic pull to my car. I talked to God as I walked. I decided to go ahead and go to my observation.
When I arrived in the classroom, I was startled by a little body tackling my legs and a little face buried into my chest. A 10-year-old girl’s deep brown eyes looked up at me and she said, “I’m so happy you came! I would miss you so much if you weren’t here!” She didn’t know it of course, but those words were exactly what I needed to hear. To this child, I was what made her day better, but to me, this child helped make my life better. It took everything I had inside of me to hold back the happy tears that stung my eyes.
My struggles were far from behind me, but I am thankful for them, for through them, I found the Lord. I knew I had a long journey ahead of me, but the comfort I found in Christ fills my life with such reassurance and relief that I can overcome anything I am thrown. I trust that the Lord will bring me to the people, places, and situations I am supposed to be in. Today, I worship any chance I can, and praise Him for the new perspective I have been given. I often fail Him, but I try to live up to what it means to be a follower of Christ every day of my life.
