We've all heard and read advice on healthy romantic relationships, which is a good thing. However, it is easy to forget that, just like any other relationship, friendships can be unhealthy as well. I've gone through a fair number of friends, and I've had really great experiences, and not-so-great experiences. It can be hard to recognize unhealthy behaviors in friendships because we never really talk about it. As a person who has been a bad friend, and has had bad friends, here are some red flags:
1. You always make the plans
Sure, some people are bad at planning, so they might leave it up to you, but if you feel like you are the one who always has to ask to hang out, there might be a problem. Of course if you both agreed that one person would make the plans, then it's cool. However, being the one who is constantly texting to see if the other person wants to hang out can breed a feeling of insecurity. One friend should not have to change their schedule every single time. Be cognizant of how flexible (or not) you are.
2. They cancel plans constantly
As a college student that is currently juggling a full course schedule, multiple clubs, a study abroad application and any unexpected duties, I'll be the first to admit that I've cancelled plans before. That in itself isn't bad. It only becomes a problem when one person keeps cancelling. Being a friend (usually) means prioritizing a person, so if you're quick to bail on a pal if something cooler comes along, you may want to ask yourself how important their friendship is to you.
3. Not offering emotional support
Friends will often confide in one another and seek advice. It can be easy to tell your bud about your problems, and accidentally forget to ask how they are doing. As someone who has dealt with mental illness, I know I can become very wrapped up in my own mind, and that has caused me to neglect my friends to the point that they leave. Be sure you're offering as much support as you're seeking, if it's possible.
4. Using a "friend" as an emotional dumping ground
An extension of point three, if you find yourself scrolling through your Facebook friends, looking to let out your emotions, stop. I've had a fair share of people that I kind of knew, but not really, slide into my DMs to unload some HEAVY stuff. If I haven't explicitly told you that you can share all of your negative feelings through Facebook Messenger, then I probably don't want to hear it. Not because I hate you, but because I don't always have the energy to answer. Don't expect that one girl you sort of knew in high school to listen to your problems if you've never actually talked about before.
5. Incompatible friendship style
Yes, friendship styles exist. Are you someone who likes to be friends with anyone? Do you like having one or two close friends? Do you like to hang out constantly, or do you need a lot of space? If you and a friend are having some trouble, think about your style of friendship. I like having a few close friends that I hang out with all the time. I have trouble forming close connections with people who have loads of friends, because meeting new people drains me quickly. There is no bad style of friendship. Just like romantic relationships, sometimes people can't give what the other person needs.
Remember, every friendship is different, so the presence or absence of these examples don't necessarily indicate a failed friendship. If you ever feel like you aren't being treated right, don't feel bad about ending a friendship. It is sad to end a friendship, but sometimes it's the best move. For people who have been friend-dumped, try to keep in mind that your ex-friend is trying to do what is best for them. It happens to everyone. All you can do is try and be a better friend next time.
