The crippling fear of walking into the room on the first day of semester. Trying to find a place to sit where you're not in the way of others; full on avoiding the center of the row. What's even worse are the classes where you're alone, with no friends knowingly saving you a seat in preparation for the rest of the semester.

Is it anxiety? Or has my mind just been trained to feel these things?

You see, it's been five years since we decided that my apprehension of the unknown was clinical anxiety. Ever since the day I started my medicine, I felt safe. It was my cradle - my safety net. Without it I was thrown to the wolves and spending every waking second wondering about every thing around me. According to every test, my medicine was accurate; the dosage was appropriate and my symptoms should be under control.

So why was walking into this classroom making me second guess coming to college?

My mind has been trained - tricked, if you will. Maybe in every technical sense I'm not supposed to feel this way, but part of me still thinks otherwise. That's why on days like these, standing outside of a room in Glass Hall, I've got to try so hard to trick myself. Looking at the students leaving from the class before, whispering, "You know you're not actually anxious, right?".

These days are becoming less common as I age, but it's always going to be a part of me whether I like it or not. It's not about coming to terms with the idea of a trained mind - it's about learning to work with myself. Because if I spend my entire life just accepting the fact that I've been engrained to feel this way, then I will always feel this way.

"You're stronger than this," I tell myself, "This isn't what it's supposed to feel like."

Our minds are built to be learning machines, which is how it can end up being trained like a dog. But every dog has it's day - a day where the old tricks are hard to rewrite. You can't teach a dog a new trick in one day, either. I've been in college for two years now, and I'm still dreading the day that I walk into my first class on August 21st. Less than a month until that day, and yet I dread it now.

So, I'll leave you with this: It's easy for your brain to forget you're supposed to be getting better and there are still going to be those days where you're not - and that's okay. The best thing to do for yourself is to relax and tell yourself, "You're more than this."