It’s a scenario many of us can probably relate to. One of my friends had gone out to lunch with a guy, and we were out eating ice cream and discussing whether or not we thought it had constituted a date.
“Well, did he pay?” I asked.
My friend interjected, “Well, that standard doesn’t really work anymore. Guys don’t offer to pay that much and anyways, if they did, would we let them?”
Touché.
So, if the traditional ideas of what comprises a date are no longer applicable, how to we determine what comprises a date and what is merely “hanging out?” And is dating even something that young people still do? While these are not questions that I am qualified to answer in any capacity, I will attempt to give you my predominantly useless thoughts on the matter in the coming paragraphs.
First, I don’t think I actually realized how rare dating is until I came to college. When I ask people how they met their significant others, some people say they were friends for a long time, some say they met on Tinder, some say they had a casual hookup that turned into more. Not many people that I know--actually, I can’t think of a single one right now--have a story that goes something like this:
“We were on the school newspaper together, and I always thought he was cute and nice, so one day I asked him if he wanted to go on a date with me. He said yes, and here we are, two years later, happily in a relationship.”
Or, “One of our mutual friends thought we would be perfect for each other, so they set us up on a blind date. And it turned out great and now we’re together!”
Anyways, you get the idea.
In the movies, the characters flirt, they’re overtly attracted to each other, and then the guy (it’s always the guy) says something like, “So, do you think it would be alright if I asked you on a date sometime?”
No mind games, no “hanging out” or “talking,” no dating apps, no college hookup culture. It all seems so simple in theory.
To be clear, the distinction here isn’t between fiction and reality. In the past, people courted each other in a pretty straightforward way. My grandparents and great grandparents all started their relationships with the idea that they were getting to know each other in order to look for potential spouses.
But people have different goals today. Some want to “just have fun,” some want to meet new people, and some want to look for serious partners. The problem is, there’s very little way to distinguish between these goals before getting to know somebody. People just aren’t willing to be very straightforward today. I myself sort of dated a guy for about two months at the end of last year before it finally sputtered out, and I had no idea what was going on the majority of the time. And I bet you also have a million stories to back me up on this one: communication in the primary stages of dating is something that is not really done anymore.
So, from one very confused 19-year-old to you, I just wanted to say that I get where you’re coming from. I’m not sure if dating is dead, or if it’s just that all of the guys I’ve encountered have been about as communicative as my grandmother's antique armchair collection. Regardless, I think we can all agree that the relationship scene could be vastly improved by the consistent practice of candidness.
