I already know the answer to this question, but I feel the need to ask anyway. By this coming May, I will have been out of high school for three years. Three years! I feel like I haven't gone anywhere. I don't have a job, I still live with my parents, and I'm still in school like I was when I graduated. It feels like I haven't really progressed as an adult and I feel totally behind compared to my peers. I had this lofty goal of studying music away from home, and it was like all of my plans crumbled around me like democracy in the hands of a demagogue.

I'm sure that most people feel like this in their twenties, but it feels so much more because of where I come from. Southern culture expects men to marry young, have kids, and have a good old Protestant work ethic, and yet, I'm kind of stagnant.

This isn't to say that my first year being 20 has been totally bad. I've grown to be more active as an adult in my church, and I've become so much closer to my parents because I'm no longer just their child. I'm an adult now, and they're starting to know me as an adult. Being an adult has allowed me to be more active in politics and really learn to care for the things that happen in the world.

I think it suffices to say that I'm kind of lost, confused, and sort of okay with it but sort of not. Is that what being 20 feels like? Is that what it's supposed to feel like? Can I make it feel more than that?