I really thought my first few articles should give my audience a true sense of who I am and what I’m all about. Come to think of it, I had that thought about a month ago, when I realized I wanted to write for The Odyssey. Then I had it again, two weeks ago, when I actually sent in my application. And one week ago, when this article was actually due…and again tonight, when I finally began to write it.
The mind of a procrastinator is a scary, mixed-up maze of brilliance, and it takes special skill to become considered a master. Procrastination truly is an art. Like other forms of art, there are different styles of procrastination, and countless ways each masterpiece can be interpreted.
1. The “live on the edge” procrastinator.
I have a professor this semester named Chad. He wore a fedora to class last week, which was presumably a failed attempt to distract from and/or cover up his prematurely balding round head. He’s one of those teachers who believe their students are way more interested in their personal lives than we actually are. Chad told a story on the first day of class about his procrastination tendencies. Apparently, there’s an entire population of people out there that gets a wild thrill out of leaving something important until the very last minute. This kind of procrastinator thrives off of the danger of not knowing what comes next.
Other interests: horror films, amusement parks, dumb-dumb lollipops with the “mystery flavor” wrapping.
2. The “I forgot” procrastinator.
This procrastinator is an absolute spaz. There’s really no other way to put it. You probably know quite a few of these people, as they are not hard to come by. In early September, I received a text message from one of my closest friends, who knows I like to write. “Help. Absolute EMERGENCY. Please help,” she texted me. I knew right away what she was going to say. “I have an assignment due tomorrow that I completely forgot about… it's only a two page reflection,” she desperately pleaded for my help.
How could I ignore this when I knew she looked like on the other side of that phone? A doughy, deer-in-headlights, holy f***, eyes bugging out of her head kind of look. Of course I would help my best friend in her time of need, but if she had only done the assignment days ago instead of putting it off to the last minute…
This person is also easily sucked into the one website that has single-handedly ruined the GPAs of countless high school and college students across the country. That website, of course, is Facebook. One minute, you’re just checking to see if your ex-boyfriend's new fling added any new photos of them from this past weekend, and next thing you know, you’re coming across your hair dresser's son’s engagement photos. You spend so many hours being completely attentive to Facebook that you forget altogether about the assignment due the next day. You probably just found the link to this article while putting off the paper you have due on Monday. Go do your work.
Other interests: Thrift shopping, leftover Chinese food, rubber band balls.
3. The “too busy” procrastinator.
Everyone loves to hate this kind of procrastinator. This is that one friend who's involved in every club on campus and still gets straight A’s each semester. They have their planners color-coded and think they have everything in order. But every once in a while, they just have too much on their plate. Between being president of their sorority and tutoring under-privileged children, they are bound to lose track of an assignment here and there. Must’ve forgotten to upload the Spanish project to their Google Calendar.
Other interests: Pantsuits and flats, coach purses, highlighters.
4. The “just too lazy."
This is the type I personally relate to, as do most other college kids with any form of social life. This entails knowing entirely well that you have an assignment due but ignoring the fact that it may actually take some time and brain power. Procrastinators like this are at their absolute peak when a new season of any show appears on Netflix. They can spend hours at a time doing absolutely nothing, which, I’d say, is a talent that is completely overlooked in our society. There’s nothing like realizing at 10 p.m. on Friday that you’ve put off your twelve-page paper for as long as humanly possible, but luckily, this person works best under pressure. In fact, its now 11:22 p.m. on Saturday evening and this article is due at midnight. Can’t say I regret choosing to tailgate on this rainy Saturday instead of slaving away over my computer all day.
Other interests: Netflix, frozen pizza, marijuana.
