Insecurity can be interpreted differently according to many different circumstances, however, to feel insecure provokes a feeling of discomfort and shame in every imaginable one. Insecurity is a feeling that no one is a stranger to. At some point in life, everyone has been through the dread of insecurity, and it is completely normal.
I feel like the most common reason to be insecure as a teenager is due to your appearance. I have struggled with that and still continue to. I have developed a habit of comparing myself to others constantly. For the way, I look, speak, dress, and act. I recognize that it's toxic and will only do me harm, but breaking the habit is extremely difficult.
Faking confidence has given me the ability to reduce the constant worrying about every action I do and how others perceive it, but sometimes I feel like even when I fake confidence I try so hard. I still try so hard to be perfect. I put so much focus on my appearance that I neglect much more important things.
When I say "appearance" I don't mean the way I look specifically. My persona falls under that as well. I have realized over these months that my insecurity has shifted from the way I look to how others perceive my personality.
I have grown up being told that I am a people pleaser, and I see it. I constantly want to make everyone happy, and everyone like me. The mere recognition of that trait makes me insecure and vulnerable. To prevent people from seeing my weaknesses, I put up a wall that in actuality ruins my persona rather than helps it. The wall I put up sometimes inhibits people from knowing the real me. The way I have translated confidence over the years has been completely wrong. Confidence is quiet. A confident person doesn't need validation from others. A confident person doesn't need to constantly remind others of their confidence. A confident person isn't the loudest person in the room, in fact, they might be the quietest.
Everything in the world is good to an extent, and using fake confidence to get by, follows that rule.
I'm still on my journey to discovering who I am as a person, and how to achieve complete confidence. But as soon as I start comparing myself to others I snap out of it by telling myself that comparing myself to a different person is nearly impossible. I remind myself that we have different paths, we went through different things, and have different things planned.
Over the years I have also realized that getting a compliment is a short-term fix for my insecurity. Searching for validation and finding it will only help you for a few days, if not a few hours. Validation from others is pointless. The validation that you should be searching for comes from within you.
At the beginning of the year, I promised myself to be as true to myself as possible. I realized that the image that I try to have is actually worsening my insecurity and making it way harder to achieve confidence.
During quarantine, I distanced myself from most of my friends to focus on the issues that I have developed within myself from insecurity. It's very hard to come to terms with yourself but right now is truly the time to start working on it. Don't waste quarantine. Use the time to your advantage.
If you ever need anyone to talk to, you can direct message me on Instagram.
Instagram: batool.abdulsalam
