When I told my friends that I was going to study abroad, their first question was, “What about your boyfriend?” I was taken aback by how many people jumped to this question first. Some were surprised that we had decided to continue our relationship despite my being in Europe for five months. Others encouraged me that long distance would make us stronger. To be honest, my two-year long relationship with my boyfriend never affected my decision to go abroad. I had every intention of staying with my boyfriend throughout, and I knew he would be supportive of my decision to study abroad.
I consider myself to be very independent because I am used to taking care of myself and solving problems on my own, without help from others. I usually prefer to be on my own, instead of relying on others, and I am confident in and comfortable with my abilities. I am also in a committed relationship, but that doesn’t make me any less independent. Of course, it is more difficult for me to assert my independence. For example, I have wanted to study abroad since high school, but I was not going to let my relationship interfere with that dream. I am lucky enough to have an understanding boyfriend, some girls are not so lucky. But if your partner cannot let you live out your dreams, you may want to reassess the relationship.
It’s very easy for me to fall back on my boyfriend, and sometimes I find myself planning my future around him. It’s OK to do this. But for those of us who are independent, it’s very scary. I’m always afraid that perhaps something will happen, and my world will come crashing down because I have invested so much in my relationship. It’s difficult for me to not be in control of situations, and I cannot 100 percent control what will happen in my relationship.
This is why it’s important to be independent: if something does happen, you will be able to more easily cope with the situation and get back on your feet much sooner. Independent girls in relationships want to plan for the future with their partners, but are cautious. We understand sometimes things fall through. While we hope for the best, we are prepared if something goes awry.
Perhaps even more importantly, you should be able to separate yourself from the relationship so that you are your own distinct person. I know firsthand that you and your partner become “we” and your life begins to revolve around this new pronoun. It’s difficult to make plans solely for yourself, for your future, when you love someone so much and want so badly to have a concrete future with them. But life is unpredictable, and we need to brace ourselves for this. But don’t think of your relationship as “bound to end,” because this will surely cause problems. There’s a fine line between having a doomsday outlook and simply being prepared for something that may or may not happen.
So, my message is this: love with all your heart and soul, but remember to be your own independent being, and prepare yourself for the unforeseeable future. Don’t lose yourself in your relationship, but instead, find yourself as you grow with this new person. You’ll be much happier when you are able to retain your own unique identity, and your relationship will be stronger and healthier because of it.
