As the new year fast approaches, my boyfriend and I have spent a lot of time playing music, visiting with friends and family, preparing for the coming semester, and most importantly, taking the time to reflect on our growth and accomplishments in the last year. August marked our third year of dating, and we both have three semesters of undergrad left at UNCA. There are some questions that we have discussed consistently throughout MANY changes in our lives that have helped us grow as individuals and understand each other better.
"Where would you like to be in two years?"
Especially in young adulthood, plans for the future can change often and unexpectedly. As you grow, it can be beneficial to reflect on what you and your partner expect to accomplish in the near(ish) future. Answering this question involves a lot of honesty, trust, and vulnerability, and it can help you to understand how you both are processing different situations in your current life.
I know that our answers to this question have changed half a dozen times since we first had this talk more than three years ago, and it's humbling to see the joy, growth, and sense of companionship that those changes have brought to both of our lives.
"What do you like most about yourself?"
Holding different jobs and attending a liberal arts university (with two very different majors) has affected the way that my partner and I see the world, and it has also had a significant impact on how we perceive ourselves. Body image, mental and emotional wellness, knowledge and interests, and other aspects of self-understanding change often, and it can be very helpful to understand how to be kind to your partner and to help them feel confident and well-understood.
This is also a great "getting to know you" question, whether you're asking it for the first time or the 30th.
"What kinds of positive changes would you like to see in your life in the next year?"
Especially before the start of a new semester or a new year, my boyfriend and I use this discussion to make strategies for how to achieve our own goals and support each other in making healthy changes. We both have different health goals and financial circumstances, and our weekly schedules often seem as different as possible. There is a certain level of accountability in sharing goals and ideas with your partner, and it can also help you both understand what the other expects out of the (very) near future.
One of my favorite songs to play is "Rivers and Roads," and I have been singing it for a couple of years now. The song has this meaning about all of the many things ahead (whether they're obstacles or just part of your personal odyssey, is up to you) and how everything will be different one year from this point in time. Many times I've played this song, that has been true-different friends, different places, different plans- and I attribute our consistent commitment to meaningful conversation as the basis for many good times on these rivers and roads of ours.
