While it’s completely normal to dispute with others from time to time, it’s what happens afterwards that matters. Holding grudges can take a lot of out of person. It has the power to create a lot of unnecessary negative energy in a person’s life. It is understandable to be hurt by the actions or words of another person but in the gradual process of forgiving, you learn that mistakes were made and eventually move on. The past becomes the past, and the once disarray of a dispute becomes something you can later look back on and laugh about.
For some, the process of forgiving can actually turn out to be a lot more complex than imagined. We often forget that in the process of forgiving, we must not only forgive others but also forgive ourselves. Whatever the problem may be about and whoever it may involve, we always-- perhaps subconsciously-- place a bit of the blame on ourselves. We are our own biggest critics, making it immensely difficult to see past our own flaws at times. We berate ourselves thinking, “I should have known better” or “I should have seen it coming”. At times such as these we need to remind ourselves that we are only human, and therefore are fully capable of making mistakes. We find ourselves often being too forgiving to others and not as forgiving as we should be with ourselves. No one is perfect and the ability to be near-perfect, is not a typical characteristic of a human being. Mistakes are normal and of great importance in everyday life. Regrets happen and from them, we learn some of life’s most valuable lessons.
Forgiveness is defined as “the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitudes regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well”. This concept is commonly a hard one to grasp because it is hard to picture ourselves as our own offender, much less still be sympathetic and compassionate towards an offender. From a young age we are taught to avoid those who do not have our best interests in mind and forgive those who hurt us unintentionally, or have acted maliciously but now understand the error of their ways. Nowhere along these lines are we taught to forgive ourselves in situations in which we are responsible for our own unfortunate events. In the end, the process of forgiveness comes down to two things-- understanding and acceptance. When forgiving another person, we must be understanding of their reasoning and accepting of their genuine apologies. When forgiving ourselves, we must be understanding of the the fact that we are allowed to have faults and accept the reality that we made a mistake. Whether it was done with or without malicious intent, we cannot allow the actions of others or even ourselves, to dictate how we live.
The actuality of all is that we are better off because of these events. We gain knowledge not only about others but ourselves as well. As strange as it may sound, we can learn a lot from ourselves and our own mistakes. Of course we can only learn from these mistakes if we allow ourselves to forgive. Through forgiveness, we can strengthen bonds, acquire new knowledge, and live a better life. That’s the power of forgiveness.
