Last week, a woman was raped at a community college near my hometown. She was pulled into the backseat of a car while walking to hers. I don't go to that college, but I have a friend who does. The night I heard the rape happened, I was terrified that might have been her. I didn't know what I would do. I didn't want to think about it. I found out within a few hours that it wasn't her, but I wasn't as relieved as I thought I would be. All I could think about was that poor woman. I couldn't imagine how she was feeling, but I knew that she was going to face a lot of backlash. And I knew how absolutely unfair that was.

A few days later, I learned that I was completely right. My friend who goes there texted me and said that she heard people talking in one of her classes. They said that they heard it was an ex-boyfriend so it couldn't possibly be rape. I didn't know whether to laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of the statement or cry thinking about this woman, and all the other victims of rape, who had to deal with people saying these things on top of the initial trauma.

When people respond to rape like those in my friend's class, it perpetuates rape culture. Rape culture is what makes people feel like they can't or shouldn't report it. It's what makes people feel like rape is somehow the victim's fault - which is never the case, no matter what they've had to drink, what they're wearing, etc. Rape culture is what makes people believe that men can't be raped. It leads to a lot of misconceptions, and we need to work together to destroy them. Everyone needs to understand that rape is only one person's fault - the rapist's.

Yes means yes. There isn't a simpler way to put it. It doesn't matter what relationship is between the two people. It doesn't matter if both parties are aroused. If both parties don't enthusiastically, vocally say yes, then it's rape. There are a few other factors that go into it, including age, sobriety, etc., but the most important thing to remember is that if it isn't a yes, it's a no.

It is reported that at least 1 in 5 women and 1 in 16 men are raped while in college. Also, many cases of rape go unreported. If you or someone you know has been raped, please know that you aren't alone. I can't imagine what it must feel like it, but I know of a lot of people who can. It's okay to ask for help.