It Really Hurts to Feel Like You'll Never Fit In. | The Odyssey Online
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It Really Hurts to Feel Like You'll Never Fit In.

Imagine that you never lost that feeling you had as a Freshman in college, of not fitting in.

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It Really Hurts to Feel Like You'll Never Fit In.
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Imagine that you are a Freshman in college and that this is your first time away from your familiar home, where things made sense and where you fit in, at least most of the time. Imagine that you don't know anyone and feel really lost. Now imagine yourself several years later. You've made some friends, have wonderful teachers and understand how the academic side of college works relatively well, but you still feel almost as much of a misfit in this social world as you did that first day on campus. Imagine that you don't understand what your peers, and friends are talking about 80% of the time, that you've never seen the movies or read the books they discuss, and can't eat the food they eat because you are allergic to it. Imagine that you've never gone to a public high school, never been on a sports team, dance team, drama club, worship group, home school group or anything like that, and that you've never had the experiences your peers had such as dating, staying overnight at friends houses, going on school field trips, going to the movies, etc. Imagine that it is impossible for you to make sense of, or relate to their talk about their favorite foods, books, movies, high school and dating experiences, and then imagine that a lot of what they talk about also shocks or scares you or just doesn't interest you, so learning more is not a reasonable answer to the question of how to fit in. And on top of all this, imagine that with regard to your religion and your major, you are in the minority at your school and that you also have MCS (Multiple Chemical Sensitivities), sometimes known as indoor allergies, that most of your peers have never even heard of. Welcome to my world. I was homeschooled my whole life until age 17. My teacher was my mom, my classmates were my sisters, and other than a couple neighborhood friends, my entire world was my family. I grew up with my sisters; playing games, music and dollhouse, doing crafts, etc. Because of my health problems I couldn't go out in public often. I was only allowed to watch certain kinds of shows, that had no violence and had only certain types of language, outfits and jokes. When I got older and had more freedom, I discovered that nearly all the popular movies and books terrified or shocked me, so I stuck to things that most of my peers haven't even heard of before, or just don't like. Most of my favorite books are ones by authors from the 1800's, such as Pride and Prejudice, Mansfield Park, An Old-Fashioned Girl, Rose in Bloom, Heidi, The Secret Garden, and Anne of Green Gables. And the more modern books I like are still not ones that the people I'm around ever seem to talk about, such as the Thoroughbred series, The Perfect Christmas, and Once Upon a Summer, to name just a few. My favorite TV shows are many of the shows in the Little House series, some of the movies in the Love Comes Softly series, and some Hallmark movies that hardly anyone would recognize the name of. Basically, I'm a misfit when I try to fit in with my peers. Our lives are just so different. Often, before classes or during lunch breaks when they are all talking about things that I can't join in with, I put my head on my arm, stare across the room or out of a window because I don't know how to handle the fact that I have been in the college world for 5 years and am still such a misfit. I want so desperately to belong, to be able to relate to my peers and talk about shared experiences and interests with them, but no matter how hard I try to find a way into this society, I just can't seem to.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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