I'm a huge fan of a lot of shows; The Office, Parks and Recreation, Grey's Anatomy, Sherlock, the list goes on. And two months ago, This Is Us got added to the list. I had just finished watching the fourth season of Sherlock and wanted to find a new show. I had heard of This Is Us and, since it only had a couple episodes to watch in order to catch up, it became the perfect choice.
By the first episode, I was hooked. Because for the first time, I got to watch a family that truly resembled mine. I mean...it's almost creepy how much it resembled mine.
First of all, I'm a triplet, and the SHOW. IS. ABOUT. TRIPLETS. To make it even creepier, the show also matches my life because the triplets are two boys and one girl. THAT'S CREEPY, RIGHT? Now, I don't want to speak on behalf of all triplets, but this show captures the triplet dynamic in a way that, in my experience, is spot on.
First of all, as little kids, Kate, Kevin, and Randall constantly compete for their parents attention and to be the best. This is so accurate it hurts. I know siblings are often competitive, but being a triplet raises the stakes. You're in the same grade, you take the same classes, you take the same standardized tests. You compare GPAs, you perform in the same music groups, you go to the same soccer camp, you apply for the same scholarships...and no one wants to be the "dumb one." The competition between Randall and Kevin and how their parents handled it spoke volumes to me because their parents didn't care who won the football game, but to Randall and Kevin, it was everything.
With that competition also comes a connection. My brothers, whether I like it or not, are a part of who I am. We've celebrated every birthday together. We went through every grade together. We graduated together. They've even dated my friends. *COUGH* SOPHIE *COUGH*. Just like Kevin, Kate, and Randall, we are not always with each other, we are not always up-to-date on each other's lives, and we don't always like each other, but they're still two-thirds of who I am. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
The show gets parenting right as well. My mom, who's a single mother, bent over backwards and continues to bend over backwards for all of us. Just like Rebecca, she has spent years and years trying to keep everyone happy and healthy with very few opportunities to do something just for herself. And she's made mistakes because she's a human being. When I saw the episode where Jack reminded Randall how hard Rebecca tried to be perfect, I was in tears. It reminded me of everything my mom has done to take on the impossible task that is raising four kids all by herself.
Fatherhood and an absence of it are also huge subjects in the show. At 36, Randall meets his biological father, William, after spending his whole life not knowing who his father was. Also, the Pearsons lose their father when they are in their teens. Now, I am fortunate enough to have never loved and lost a father, but I do understand the absence of one and not knowing who he is. My father is an anonymous sperm donor, so Randall's experience, especially as a child, is one that I'm very familiar with. Just like Randall, I love my mom, and I'm grateful for my life, but I would still kill to find out who my father is. There were moments in middle school when I was angry that I didn't know who he was. There were moments where I didn't think it was fair. And, especially as a little kid, there were times when I just didn't understand it. While I clearly was not adopted like Randall was, I know what it's like to know that there is some stranger out in the world who is half of who I am.
On a personal level that's separate from being a triplet, Randall is my hero. I have struggled with anxiety, OCD, and perfectionism my whole life, and these writers display all of those conditions through Randall. The panic attack Randall experiences in episode 15 had me bawling. Because I've been there. I've been there 100 times. I have had my confidence and happiness and comfort shattered by an ACT score, a single point that kept me out of state finals, friendships falling apart, and a final that almost made me get my first B. And just like Randall, I have wound up sitting on the floor sobbing and struggling to breathe because it felt like, "If I can't be perfect, if I can't be extraordinary, what's the point?" And it still feels that way. Because as long as I stay successful, I'm okay, but the second I lose my footing, everything can fall apart. Growing up has helped, but it never quite goes away. It didn't for Randall and it won't for me, but seeing a character that brings so much truth to that problem has made me feel a lot less alone.
On another personal level, this show captures cancer and the death of family members in a painfully accurate way. My grandma died six years ago from kidney cancer, and this show caused every memory of that to come rushing back. My grandma didn't live nearby, so, growing up, we saw her about four-five times a year. But when she got sick, she was admitted to a hospital in our hometown. We took advantage of every second of that time with her. And when she said that she wanted to die where she was born, my mom, my aunt, and my grandpa drove 22 hours to bring her to New Hampshire. When the school year ended, we flew out to New Hampshire and watched cancer take her away from us over the course of about two weeks. Anyone who's lost someone to cancer knows that cancer is unfair and cruel, and it will not wait for you to be ready to let somebody go. Episode 16 captured this in all its unbearable glory. While I knew William would die at some point, there was no way for me to prepare for it. I hyperventilated. I cried. I'm still crying. This Is Us did not exploit cancer or what it does to people as a theatrical tool, and for that I am extremely grateful.
This Is Us really is us, and I can't wait to see where the show chooses to go from. I will keep watching and I will definitely keep tissues at the ready.
P.S. If Sterling K. Brown doesn't get an Emmy for this show, I will start riots.
