The "normal" reaction people have when they hear about a death is to say, "I'm sorry." No one seems to know what else they could say, and, personally, I don't want them to feel sorry.
Perhaps it is because I began dealing with the death of relatives at what many may consider a young age, or maybe I've thought about it enough that all signs have turned to "everything will be okay," but I do have a fairly optimistic view of death. The whole pomp and circumstance that immediately follows after someone passes is solely for the benefit of those of us who are still living, and, honestly, I don't see the point of it.
Dying serves as a reminder of how we should be living, and dwelling on how upset we are over losing someone seems like a complete waste of that precious time. I doubt that there is any person who is on their deathbed that is glad that they spent time grieving or is thinking, "I hope everyone is really upset about me leaving."
Instead, we are obligated to feel that there is something wrong with us if we don't cry or show a variety of negative emotions that are meant to be experienced. I have no clue where people go when they die, but I do have my own thoughts about it. Ideally, all of our loved ones, and eventually ourselves, will be together. This seems more than likely, because how many places could they go?
Many people consider my lack of tears a lack of grieving. I have been grieving the loss of my grandfather for over seven years now. He was not the same man after my grandmother got sick and died, and watching him go through that was worse than anything that death could involve—I watched his heartbreak.
On that note, now I can only feel relief. I have been preparing myself for this time, and on numerous occasions, I thought, "This is it." My grandfather did not want to be here anymore, he was done, and it would be selfish of me to want him to stay.
Now, just because I am not sad doesn't mean others don't have the right to be. I understand that many people need their time to grieve and be sad, which is perfectly okay. Not everyone is going to be okay one hundred percent of the time.
What is important, however, is making sure that we are there to support them through the tough times so that they will be ready for happy times to come once again. People react to loss in many different ways, which in many cases are expressly unique to them. We cannot continue expecting people to feel a certain way, especially when they may be repressing their true thoughts.
With that being said, it is okay to cry, it is okay to not cry; whether you are a man, woman, or child, you are entitled to feel, and more importantly, to show how you feel. For me, "sad" is just not the emotion I need, and that is okay too.
Going forward, I have accepted my role of supporting my family members who do not feel okay, and that is the stuff that we are made of. We support each other when we need it, and provide that support when we are alright. As people, we must balance each other, and help each other to get through times like these.
