Ever since I was very little, I apologized much more frequently than needed. "Sorry" became something to fill awkward silences when my mere existence felt like it required an admission of shame. Many women have fought for a place in this world, so why was I afraid to occupy space? What about being women makes us so concerned about being a burden or being too loud?
Most importantly: When did we start apologizing for being humans?
Guilt and shame are some of the most intimate emotions to expose to someone. Usually, these feelings follow making a mistake that in some way has hurt or humiliated someone else. It’s hard to admit to anyone that we aren’t always poised and kind humans, but when I’m apologizing to a mannequin in an Old Navy for running into it or apologizing before asking a question in class, I feel like I’m not apologizing for being rude. I’m saying I’m sorry for existing in a way that is not quiet and contained, but rather curious and clumsy.
I have apologized for being too excited, for having to use the restroom, and even for crying when my grandmother passed away. Basic needs and emotions are not something to feel ashamed about, and it’s not easy to break this habit.
What is even worse is that when you apologize for simply existing, you feel even worse when you make an inevitable human error and actually hurt someone’s feelings. If you’re anything like me you may feel like your apologies aren’t enough for some people.
Although men may experience similar things, I want to focus on women for just a second. I want to know why we are so apologetic. Is it because we are taught impossible standards of beauty, so we need to ask for acceptance when a hair is out of place? Or is it because we are afraid to ask to be paid as much as a man in the cubicle over? What about society has played a key part in making so many women feel as if they are not worth patience and respect?
As I work to figure this out for myself, I want to say one apology. I’m sorry to all of the women who have fought for our right to vote, make choices for our own bodies, and for our right to exist as human beings with flaws and quirks. I’m sorry for every time I have apologized unnecessarily, because I may have encouraged other women to feel insecure about their ability to ask questions in class. Most importantly, I’m sorry for all of the times I’ve let my fellow women apologize when it isn’t needed.
You are allowed to exist. You are allowed to be human. You are a goddess who is not meant to be perfect.
Next time you feel the urge to apologize before asking a question or beaming with happiness, remember that you are not meant to be ashamed for being vibrant.
