I'm Scared To Tell My Stories
Start writing a post
Health Wellness

I'm Scared To Tell My Stories

I've thought about posting my stories, thoughts, and ideas online for quite a while now, but I have had this block in my head telling me that nobody wants to hear it. Today, I took a deep breath and told myself: nobody has to want to hear it, but you need it out of you.

18
I'm Scared To Tell My Stories

I have felt really into drawing lately. I have a sketchbook with markers and I draw whatever I want to. It makes me feel like a little kid and it is great. I don't have any guidelines. It has helped me recognize my feelings in certain situations. I can be stressed all day and not even know it until I look back at what I drew that day, and I see it's all scribbles and angry colors. I can subvert my attention by recognizing what I'm drawing, then head to the next page and do the opposite. I can make myself feel happy just by using the right colors. I love what color does to the brain.

I've never considered myself an eloquent person. I describe my thought process as a connecting of concepts and colors and pictures, and I sometimes lose the connection to the words. Colors are the big one, because I associate so much with each individual color, that they can get jumbled up around my head. I wish I knew another language so I could at least fake it through my lack of words with "... what is it in English?"

But the thing is, I think that phrase a lot. I have my own language going on in my head, and it is certainly not English. I stop mid sentence explaining something and try to go at it with my hands, and it looks like I am attacking my own sentence. My words come out and once they stop working I need to mush it up and tear apart the fibers so I can find the parts that I missed. I wonder if other people do this too, and then I think, well they must. I'm not the only person to have experienced something. We are at a point in humanity where everything has been tried, and nobody is the first to do anything.

Back to the title. I am afraid of my stories. I fear that if I put in writing what I have seen and felt, what I think, or what I imagine, I will be judged. This is totally silly, nobody is judging me for the things I have endured. Nobody cares about my baggage, they have enough of their own.

So. Here I am. Going down this road where I write things down and put them on the internet. Maybe people will read them. That makes me uncomfortable.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

Dear College Students, Are You Undecided?

The Girlfriend's Guide to College

2280
Dear College Students, Are You Undecided?
https://pixabay.com/photos/college-students-diploma-graduate-3990783/

Up until last week, I always had a major. I was an international business major, finance major, psych major on the pre-medicine track… and now (finally) I am exactly where I should have been when I started college: undecided. I think there is too much pressure as a high school student to have a designated path about what you want to study, be when you 'grow up' and essentially spend the rest of your life doing. As an 18-year-old, I really feel like I tried to pin myself down to a major so that I had a set path to follow and something to look towards. This is probably very conventional and I know tons of people at school who have their minds made up about what they want to study.

Keep Reading... Show less
Adulting

Life Is Messy

Finding who you are in your 20s

2445
Life Is Messy
https://www.pexels.com/photo/shallow-focus-photography-of-yellow-sunflower-field-under-sunny-sky-1169084/

I am 25 years old and just now learning who I am. When I separated from my husband I was terrified of what would follow. I did not know who I was outside of a relationship, nor did I know how to be on my own. It was scary, and I was so lost. I spent months discovering who I was, and what I wanted to be. I am still searching as I believe we never truly know who we are even when we "grow up". I came to the realization that I had been hiding a part of myself for my entire life. Coming out was not easy, growing up in the church made it scary, and hard. I was told growing up that being anything but straight was such a sin, and that i would spent my life in hell because of it. I came out to my parents when I was 25 years old. I picked up the phone and called my mom, and uttered the words "I'm queer" through tears. I knew my parents would be supportive, but that didn't make it any easier for me to vulnerable and raw. Since then, I have slowly started being more authentic in who I am, and not hide parts of me just because of people's shitty opinions.

Keep Reading... Show less
Adulting

Ask Your BFF These 20 Questions To See If They Know You As Well As You THINK That They Do

Ask your best friend these basic questions to see just how well they know you.

41148
Ask Your BFF These 20 Questions To See If They Know You As Well As You THINK That They Do

My best friend has been in my life since we were 3 years old, now that we are adults now, I'd like to ask her these questions to see how well she knows me.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

Alone At The Met

I survive a day alone in NYC.

10918
Wikimedia Commons

It was six in the evening. I was sitting in the courtyard of a Renaissance-era Italian villa, glancing around at the statues, most notably one of a boy removing a thorn from his foot. Despite the supposedly relaxing setting, I was incredibly anxious. My phone was at less than 5 percent battery, and once it died I would be completely disconnected from my family and peers, alone in one of the largest art museums in the country.

Keep Reading... Show less
Student Life

College 101: How To Ease The Back To School Blues

Getting back into the school groove when you just can't seem to let go of summer.

11861
Beyond The States

With fall classes just beginning, many of us find ourselves struck with summer withdrawals. Especially for those who refrained from taking courses over the summer, it can be quite difficult to get back in the swing of things. Fortunately, there are various ways to help make the transition back to college as smooth as possible.

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments