My favorite shirt size is XXL.
This seems inconsequential, but a year ago I was afraid to buy shirts that went above a large. I was afraid that made me "fat." But I like slouchy shirts. I like to wear shirts that kinda hang off the frame with a scarf and a pair of fun leggings and boots. I like to wear tighter shirts with flannels and leggings or jeans too, but the slouchy, flowy shirt is my favorite fashion accessory. And in order to make a shirt that isn't originally made to be slouchy one that is, you have to size up several sizes. And when you wear a large (or an XL, depending on the brand), you have to get up there in the letter X. And that used to terrify me.
I am the first to admit that I love food. Like, I LOVE food. My mom knows how to cook well (even if she doesn't want to) and my dad's passion for food and cooking has extended to me. I grew up in a Greek and Jewish household. Food is what we bond over. I find myself saying to friends "Oh, I can totally cook for you, just come over tomorrow!" I like to experiment with new things (my new thing is tofu). I'll make my own ramen with gluten free noodles, and my roommate just opened me up to the delicious world of Indian food. My birthday present of a Crock-Pot this year is used frequently and with gusto.
I also am not super big on the whole exercise thing. I do it, don't get me wrong. I'll walk, or run, or use the elliptical or stationary bike in the gym, and sometimes I lift weights but mostly I use my body as a weight with push ups and crunches. The most stretching I do is my fingers after I write long essays or type up lab reports, or that whole body stretch when you wake up in the morning. You know what I'm talking about. We all do it.
The combination of my love for food and my lack of super intense exercise (according to some people) make me plus size. I'm tired of not saying the word. I'm tired of cutting the tags off my clothes and looking at clothes my friends are wearing longingly because I know they won't flatter me. I have yet to find a cute romper for me and it's seriously heartbreaking.
I'm tired of feeling like I need to apologize to everyone I know for not being a size 4. I'm not a size 4. I'm a size 12. I'm happy to be a size 12. I am beautiful at a size 12. And I'm proud to be a size 12. But that does not define me.
I'm a Washingtonian. I'm short. I like to wear flannels and I open my mouth really wide when I laugh. I like to get pedicures, read books, and crochet baby blankets and hats. British TV is my jam. Science is super great, and my female professors are some of the strongest, most awesome role models I could ever have professionally. I think pumpkin pie is superior to all pies and that the gingerbread latte is the greatest holiday drink in the Starbucks lineup. I would like it if sushi was its own food group. These are just a sample of things that are more important than the size of my pants or shirts, the size of my waist, or how well I fit into a little black dress.
I'm chubby. I'm fluffy. I can pinch an inch. I'm plus size. And yeah, I'm kinda fat. But I'm going to tell you a secret. I'm happy. I have let go of all the bitterness towards my body, and know that I am making healthy choices and living within moderation. And sure, I'm a size 12. But there are many things more important than that. And the people who matter are the people who can see that. Everyone else can continue being defined by their size. I'd rather be defined by my intelligence, my kindness, my integrity, and my sense of humor. And I hope that all who are reading this notice that before they notice what my butt looks like in a pair of pants.
