For many years after my parent's separation and eventual divorce, I found myself somewhere between a rock and a hard place. I couldn't figure out how to deal with the way that things were happening around me, and in turn, I harbored a lot of anger and pain towards many people around me, which created a lot of problems in my own life. Surely, it's been a long journey to accepting my parent's divorce; but now that I have, my life is immensely better and I am closer with my parents than ever before.
Seeing a parent hurt is probably the worst thing ever. You take on a lot of the hurt for them, even when they try to hide it from you. There's always a lot of questions, and often very few answers. I speculated a lot and it only got harder and harder to cope with everything.
At first, I wanted to blame everyone in my life. I blamed myself a lot, too, but it was a lot easier to try and place the blame on anyone and everyone else. In reality, there really isn't anyone to blame. Not fully, anyway - and I know that now. I've only noticed that with time comes acceptance; which has lead me to realize that once you stop searching to find the blame - find the worst in the people and situation around you - you realize that you no longer have to blame anyone at all.
The worst thing about finding yourself in the middle of a divorce is that it's so hard to accept love from the people around you when you feel like you don't deserve it, or you're not worthy of it, or they don't mean it. When you are seeing the two most important people in your life stop loving each other, you wonder if you are worthy of love. These things made me feel unimportant and undeserving of love, which, as I grew, caused tensions and problems in my day to day life - in my friendships and relationships. I'm starting to grow past this. I'm learning constantly.
As I grow and learn, one thing becomes more and more clear. I'm not angry anymore. Really, I'm not. Not at anyone involved. For a long time, I was angry. I was hurt. I didn't know how to channel it and I let it build and build into explosions onto the people around me. It was unfair to everyone, especially me, because being angry for so long sucks.
I've learned that it's better to not let your heart hurt for the memories of your family together, nor wish that you could go back. It never helps. Instead, remember fondly and kindly. Don't let it hurt all the time. It's okay to hurt sometimes, maybe when a song plays or you find a photo. But try to stay positive. Don't let good memories hurt.
It's okay to wish that things were different. It's okay to wonder how things could be different; where you'd be living, what you'd be doing, who you would know. Refuse to let it anger you. Refuse to let it hurt. Curiosity does not have to equal pain. You grow accustomed to the way things are, the way things feel, and the way things have to be. It's not a bad thing.
Know that your parents love you. I know that both of my parents love me dearly. Living away from one parent is the most painful, horrible feeling in the world, You miss them, you think about them every day. Call them. Text them. See them more if you can. Don't ever let your own hurting stop you from healthy relationships with your parents or your step-parents.
With that being said, accept the love you are given. The people that care about you and love you only have good intentions. Through experience, I have learned this. Stop blaming them. Stop blaming anyone. Stop blaming everyone. Accept the love you are given and learn to love back. Learn to love harder.
Find the good characteristics in the situations that seem to suck. Find the joy in the pain. Mimic the happiness of those around you. Remember what your parents gave you. Love that you have your father's nose and your mother's eyes. Remember that you came out of something good even if it ended badly.
Realize that your parents, despite having many differences, have a common goal - to raise a healthy, happy, successful person. Take on your parents' best characteristics and work to be more like them in those ways.
Life goes on. Your father's life goes on. Your mother's life goes on. Your life goes on. Don't hinder these things. Let the universe guide you, do not sabotage your happiness or the happiness of your family.
New family is good family. This goes back to accepting the love you're given. Not everyone has bad intentions. In fact, most people have good intentions. Be kind. Be soft. Be open. Love is good.
Remind your mother and father that every choice they make reflects onto you forever. Give them the benefit of the doubt and know that they love you wholeheartedly. Stop expecting the worst out of the people that love you.
Improvement is always possible. Take your time. Heal. Accept. Love harder. Learn from the mistakes you've made. Learn from the mistakes your parents made. Grow. Prosper. Be kinder. Find acceptance. Give acceptance. Find your peace and happiness.
